IS IT OKAY TO LET YOUR CHILD GO FOR SLEEP OVERS

We have been conducting seminars on parenting in various schools and one of the greatest concerns raised by parents has to do with sleepovers. Many parents wonder whether or not to allow their children to go for sleepovers or to host them. Their main concern is the safety of their children during such sleepovers. We decided to source for knowledge on the same and here is what we have to share with you.

According to Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After, sleepovers are part of a wonderful childhood, and many parents would like their own kids to be able to enjoy the same. Yet, they can also be a slippery slope just by their very nature, and it’s certainly appropriate for parents to have legitimate concerns. There have been stories about children being molested while at a sleepover while in others, children enjoy without anything bad ever happening. The answer to whether or whether not to have a sleepover is both a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’. It all depends with YOU and what you are most comfortable with!

Sleepovers can provide a perpetrator easier access to a child than a typical play-date during the day. This is because once children are in their beds or sleeping bags, there is a quiet, vulnerable atmosphere when children can be caught off-guard if approached by another adult, or possibly even the older sibling of their friend. In such an environment, a child might be less likely to shout out for help, or even yell out a good, strong “STOP IT!”, for fear of waking the others. The child may feel “trapped” and not know how to get away from the perpetrator. Also, during a sleepover, there may be more of an opportunity for a molester to victimize a child, simply because they can wait until everyone else is asleep. For this reason, it is important to talk specifically with your child about sleepover issues, before you make your decision.

Is the solution "No Sleepovers- Ever?"

That’s one way to solve the problem and it’s certainly a parent’s right to ban sleepovers if you choose. But, some parents may feel differently based on their own experiences or parenting styles. They may want to allow occasional sleepovers depending on certain circumstances. That’s okay too, provided you arm your children with clear safety instructions before ever allowing them to spend the night at another home.

Safeguarding a Sleep Over- A Parents Role.

Before allowing your child to spend the night at any friend’s home, you will need to have specific conversations regarding “good touch/bad touch/confusing touch.” You’ll need to pose some “what if” questions, to be sure your child knows how to react to anything that feels uncomfortable or “yucky.” There are many variables which can determine if a household is safe for a sleepover. You might be comfortable letting your child spend the night at one friend’s home, yet another home may be completely out of the question.

Run through the check list below

This will help you evaluate if this sleepover is a “safe scenario” or not. Consider who else may be at that home… for example, other relatives or adult friends? Is the older sibling also having a friend sleep over, do the parents have the same feelings that you do regarding the use of alcohol or other substances – particularly when children are around?

1. Do you know everyone who lives at the home?
2. Does anyone at this home give you an uncomfortable or “uh-oh” feeling?
3. Will the parents be home or are they having a babysitter in for the night? (If so, who is the sitter and what do you know about them?)
4. Are other children going to spend the night as well?
5. Are the supervising parents having their own adult friends over?
6. Will the children be staying in all night or is there an outing or activity planned for earlier in the evening (such as dinner out, bowling, or a movie)?
7. Will your child need to take a bath there? If so, who will be helping them? (Note: the smartest choice is for the child to bathe at home before going).
8. Have you told your child that they can call you at anytime, no matter what, if they feel uncomfortable or scared and that you’ll pick them up right away? *Even in the middle of the night!
9. Are you able to discuss safety concerns with the supervising parent(s) without worrying about what they might think of you?
10. Do the other parents make you feel guilty for asking questions, or try to minimize your concerns by teasing you or not taking you seriously?
11. Is your child generally able to speak up for themselves when they feel uncomfortable or uneasy?
12. Have you taught your child to trust their instincts and to listen to their own “inner voice”?
13. Have you discussed what to do if someone tries to touch them in an uncomfortable or unsafe manner?

5 Safety tips for kids away from home

1. Assess your child's age

There's no magic age where kids stop being homesick. However, the personality and needs of your child should help you determine at what age kids are ready for a slumber party away from home. The most important thing to consider is your child's safety, so it's up to you to judge whether he or she is capable of making safe decisions under someone else's supervision.

2. Invite the friend over first

Daytime play dates will give you a chance to meet the kid your child wants to have a sleepover with before you send her off to spend the night. Watch and see how the children interact with one another prior to agreeing to any slumber party plans.

3. Meet the parents

Either during drop off, at the sports field during little league games or at a daytime play date, schedule some face time with the adults who are hosting the sleepover prior to the get together. This will give you a chance to catch any red flags or give you peace of mind about your child's nocturnal adventure.

4. Lay out the ground rules

Don't be shy -- let the hosting parents know your child safety rules and supervision requirements for your child. Remember to offer info on anything about your youngster that will pertain to the overnight plans, such as any fears of the dark or food allergies. Also remind your child of your family's rules before he or she heads off to have fun.

5. Create a code word

Develop a word that your kiddo can use as code if he or she becomes uncomfortable at a slumber party and wants to go home. Whether it's a child safety issue like domestic violence or a social issue like drinking or a video game that violates your family's rules, a no questions asked policy when this code word is used will help keep you and your child at ease.

Overall, slumber parties away from home are something that are good for children and parents alike, fostering independence for children and helping you to let go of the reigns as your child grows, as long as you are mindful of basic child safety standards. However, note that setting these sleepover safety guidelines early on will likely lead to less resistance by teens down the road, so start early and send your kiddo off for some overnight fun, If you both so please!

Warm regards from the Nairobi Parenting Clinic Team.

Does Your Child Have Learning Disability

Does your child have difficulties in learning? Does your child have trouble processing information and absorbing the same? If your child can not try harder, pay closer attention or improve motivation your child may have a psychiatrist illness termed Learning Disability or Learning Disorder (LD).

The process of diagnosing Learning Disability starts with a psychiatrist. He will test your child. He has to rule out Attention Deficit Disorder / Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Autism as the problem. If so, and he finds the specific problem is LD then with other mental health professionals he coordinates the treatment as a team. Your child may be treated by an Educational, Psychologist, Developmental Psychologist, Neuro-Psychologist, Psychometrist, Occupational Therapist, a Speech & Language Therapist.

Only after a battery of tests you will get to know your child’s specific weakness.

He may have Motor Difficulties or Dyspraxia or difficulties with movement and coordination.

Math Difficulties or Dyscalculia or struggle with the memorization and organization of numbers, operation signs and number facts. The child may have trouble counting and in telling the time.

Language Difficulties or Dyslexia or having problems with verbal language skills or fluency of speech. The affected child may not understand words, parts of speech, directions etc.

Reading Difficulties and/or problems with Auditory Processing. Difficulty in understanding sounds, letters and words. Reading comprehension problems occur when the child can’t grasp the meaning of words, phrases and paragraphs. There is a definite lag in recognizing and understanding words; reading speed and fluency in general vocabulary skills.

Writing Difficulties or Dysgraphia or problems with neatness, consistency and the accurate copying of letters and words. Spelling consistency isn’t there along with word organization and coherence.

Auditory and Visual processing. The first is a problem in distinguishing subtle differences in sound or in hearing sounds. This affects ability to read, write and spell. Problems in visual perception include misperceiving depth and distance which affect motor skills, reading comprehension and math.

After specifying the type of LD your child has, the psychiatrist will assist you in the treatment. The brain has a lifelong ability to change, to form new connections and to generate new brain cells as a response to experiences and learning. This ability called neuroplasticity facilitates skills like reading, writing that might have been disrupted earlier due to some fault in the normal lines of communication in the brain. Hence the effectiveness of psychiatric treatment here.

You will be assisted in taking charge of your child’s entire learning input be it at home and at school. You may operate alone or hire the services of therapist.

You will be assisted in communicating with the school teachers, clarify your goals, listen to school officials, offer new solutions or ideas of your own, focus on the afflicted child in a calm, collected and positive manner and persist in executing plans that help your child.

You will learn that every LD child has a unique learning style. Your psychiatrist will assist you in finding that style.

Your child may be a Visual Learner who learns by seeing or reading but not verbally, benefits from notes, diagrams, charts, maps and pictures. Such a child likes to draw read, write, can spell and organize.

Auditory Learners learn by listening to lectures, oral reports and tests. Classroom discussions, spoken directions and study groups benefit the child. They tend to excel in music, languages and like being on stage.

Kinesthetic Learners learn by doing and moving. They benefit from hands on activities, laboratory classes, props, skits and field trips. They tend to like sports, drama, dance, martial arts, arts & crafts.

Depending on your LD child’s strengths and weaknesses, the psychiatrist will develop the strengths and make up the weaknesses till normalcy occurs.

Your psychiatrist will help raise your child’s self-awareness and self confidence, encourage him/her to resolve problems and persevere in solving them; set goals, reach the child to ask for help and to handle stress.

In short LD in your child isn’t a disaster, but is fully treatable and the treatment can ensure some success in life for the afflicted one.

- Dr. Rohan Jahagirdar

MD (Psychiatry)

Pune.

Mobile: 93 724 16 491

Clinic: 020 - 3240 5770  

Change your thoughts and you change your world

Today's title is a quote attributed to Norman Vincent Peale.

"Change your thoughts and you change your world".

I have seen this truth in action so many times over in my own life and in the lives of others.

I am sure you as well can think of people who seem trapped in their own bad thoughts about themselves.

I have a friend Jonathon who is miserable and afraid almost all the time. He is so down on himself and his abilities. He hates his job and dreads going to work each morning. All day at work he is in misery and is consumed with thoughts of how terrible his work is and how it is so ill suited to him.

But he is afraid to look for another job. He is terrified that no one else will have him. He is sure his skills are out of date and that there is nothing he could contribute to a new employer. He is fearful to leave and miserable to stay.

He has been like this for 10 years.

What a waste!

Trapped in a job he hates and too frightened to even think about leaving - too down on himself to try anything new.

Of course as outsiders we can all see that his depressed thoughts and miserable attitute cannot be helpful in impressing any new employers or even his current one. How well do you think he would do in an employment interview feeling so down on himself?

I often wish -- if only he would change his thoughts! If only he would pause his thoughts of misery, fear, anxiety and despair and look at what is good in his life. Find something positive to think about, get out of his rut and get self confident and go do something!

Just imagine what could happen in Jonathon's life if he were to change his thoughts - wow how his world could change! And it seems so obvious and easy for me looking in at his life from the outside!

So .......

I also think this about myself. Change those negative, anxious, bad outcome, fearful, worried, panic thoughts to....

Thoughts of confidence, letting go, peace, relaxation, assertiveness, and bravery. Thoughts that things will be okay, I can do this, it will be fine!

I don't need thoughts that make me feel worried, afraid, anxious or fearful.


I need thoughts that make me feel confident, bold, and brave. I need thoughts that make me feel like I belong here. Like I own the world. Not like I am some unwanted scavenger.


I need to focus not on being less afraid or less anxious.

I need to focus on being more bold, more confident, more enthusiastic, more adventurous.

How might my life change if I did this? My world would certainly be a different place!

Raise your hand Be brave anyway YAtales

You could hear the incensed whispers from across the country.

“What the hell is she playing at???”

“She’s disrupting the status quo, someone do something!”

“Is she ill? Shall I call 999? I’m gonna call 999.”

There was no doubt that my old university course mates, now dispersed across the UK, would have sensed that something was awry in that packed out room at Waterstones Piccadilly where, sat at the back by a protective pillar, I had just raised my hand to ask a question.

RAISED MY HAND.

TO ASK A QUESTION.

This is unheard of. You don’t ask questions. It is the one Victorian tradition we are ok with keeping: you do not ask questions. No one asked questions in university lectures. And if you did, you were shunned and burnt at the stake. So why on earth had I found myself feeling compelled to put my hand in the air like I just don’t care?

This wasn’t a university lecture. This was a M&S univ- This was an event at Waterstones Piccadilly consisting of a panel of three incredibly talented and badass YA women writers, who had me quite literally on the edge of my seat with my face beaming as they spoke about things from what drives their writing, to how much importance they put on meanings within their stories (that was my question, just saying).

Phil Earle (host), Annabel Pitcher, Jenny Downham, Katherine Rundell

I’d never been to an event like this before. I’d never even been to a book signing. So when I found out three of my favourite authors, Annabel Pitcher (My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece, 2011), Jenny Downham (Before I Die, 2007) and Katherine Rundell (Rooftoppers, 2013) were going to be at the mighty Piccadilly store for a chat and signing, I couldn’t resist. Obviously I dragged my friend Katie along with me for support. Although, she also asked a question, so the only dragging to be done involved our bodies to the depths of woodland after being executed for treason.

I expected a standard Q&A and readings from each of their new novels: Annabel’s Silence is Goldfish, Jenny’s Unbecoming, and Katherine’s The Wolf Wilder, but what I got was the most inspirational few hours of my life. These women are all so incredibly different in how they write, their style of writing, their motives behind their stories, and their personal backgrounds, but rather than their successes and brilliance being completely intimidating, they instilled the strongest sense of determinism and empowerment in me. And for that, I am beyond thankful.

Annabel Pitcher is growing a tiny human inside her. I assume it has a face and limbs and recognises its mum’s voice by now. She used to be a teacher. Jenny Downham used to act and she takes years to write a book. Katherine Rundell is an elected Fellow at Oxford University and has a voice that would either seduce me or send me into a blissful, transcendent sleep. 

It was exciting and calming to listen to them talk about their individual lives, and it reminded me that to be a writer, you don’t just write. You do other things. You have other jobs, you have a plethora of experiences, and you live a life so varied and full of thought and passion that you have no choice but to turn the depth and expanse of that life and your mind into stories. YA stories.

Because that’s what young adults need. Options. Diversity. Choice. Freedom.

I was gripped. I hadn’t been so full of joy about life and all the things I wanted to achieve in years. I hadn’t been inspired so deeply since I discovered hummus. It was exciting to see three different women, three different loves, three different lives, and still all so powerful and strong in who they are. But their one main thing in common is that they are just… so…

Terrified.

Getting to the 20,000 word mark is absolute hell, and God forbid if anyone reads your draft before you’re happy with it. AND WILL YOU EVER BE HAPPY WITH IT? What if no one is happy with it? What if you’re never happy? Ever?

“The voice on a writer’s shoulder is a terrible one, but you have to shut it up and tame it.”

It was so affirming to hear that these incredibly talented writers suffer with the same doubt and self-deprecation that I do, that a lot of us have. But there was a glow around them all that proved that their pride, determination, and love conquers it all.

“It’s okay to be afraid. Be brave anyway.”

That was it. That was the line from Katherine Rundell that said it all. It is okay to be absolutely terrified of life and your dreams and yourself, but be brave and storm it anyway.

We all suffer with it; that fear that nothing will be good enough, that we won’t be good enough, that we are making all the wrong choices. But there are no rules and there are no limits and there are no repercussions for trying your hardest with your braveface on. Use the fear as excitement for whatever lies ahead. Be brave anyway.

To look into the eyes of women who simultaneously terrify and inspire you is an odd feeling. To raise your hand and speak to them is even odder. But to have passions and dreams in the life that once started in a tummy, just like Annabel’s imminent arrival, is the oddest thing of them all. And isn’t it just wonderful? 

Silence is Goldfish (October 2015) by Annabel Pitcher: 

https://www.waterstones.com/book/silence-is-goldfish/annabel-pitcher/9781780620008

Unbecoming (September 2015) by Jenny Downham: 

https://www.waterstones.com/book/unbecoming/jenny-downham/9781910200643

The Wolf Wilder (September 2015) by Katherine Rundell: 

https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-wolf-wilder/katherine-rundell/9781408862582

Traumatizing Your Characters Part 6 Intrusive Recollection

We've discussed a lot of aspects of trauma at this point! If you'd like to catch up, here you are:

Part 1: General facts

Part 2: Types of trama

Part 3: Aspects of trauma that make it more or less likely to have lingering psychological effects

Part 4: Individual factors that make it more or less likely a person will develop PTSD after a trauma
Part 5 A and B: Developmental trauma (some thoughts on Nobody But Us by Kristin Halbrook) and an interview with Kristin herself

Are you all primed and ready now? Awesome. We'll start talking about symptoms. PTSD has a set of diagnostic criteria that I suggest you go read. There are three primary symptom clusters in PTSD:

• Intrusive Recollection
• Avoidance/Numbing
• Hyperarousal

We're going to talk about each symptom cluster separately, and today we'll go over intrusive recollection. Here are the symptoms--you have to have at least one of them to "qualify" for a diagnosis of PTSD (from the DSM-IV-TR):

1. Recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions. Note: in young children, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed.
2. Recurrent distressing dreams of the event. Note: in children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content
3. Acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes,including those that occur upon awakening or when intoxicated). Note: in children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur.
4. Intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.

In literary and movie portrayals of PTSD, this is the symptom cluster that gets the most attention. Lots of people primarily think of flashbacks when they talk about this type of symptom, but that's only one type (symptom #3).

Let me offer you a brief example from SANCTUM, in which Lela is in the fight of her life, and a memory hits her sideways and makes it impossible for her to stay in the moment:

"Intrusive" is a term that basically means unbidden and interfering. These are ambush memories that strike when the person isn't *trying* to recall the event. It's incredibly upsetting, because it's like your mind is operating all on its own, jabbing you with these images and noises and sensations you'd really like to never experience again, thank you very much. 

Nightmares are a common recollection symptom as well, but for adults, they would need to be associated with the trauma or memories of the trauma to be included as a symptom of intrusive recollection. 

And finally, symptom #4 ... we've all heard the word "trigger", right? That's essentially what those "internal or external cues" are. Things that instantly remind the person of what happened to them, and sometimes result in a cascading physiological reaction--panic. 

In my next post, we'll discuss triggers. But before we do that, if you're writing a character who's experiencing PTSD, what symptom(s) of intrusive recollection are you trying to portray? How are you showing the character's experience? Or, if you're not writing a character like this, but you've read books that do this well, tell us about them!

One more day to enter to win a copy of the excellent NOBODY BUT US by Kristin Halbrook! I'll announce the winner on Wednesday.

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What to Expect From Your Marriage

"In relationships, if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got." ~ Amy Dickinson

A common complaint in letters to advice columns is that a spouse is chronically neglecting various needs of the complainer, or refuses to do something that the complainer fervently desires.  Sex may be the most common missing element described by people who write this type of letter – and women complain about the lack of it at least as often as do men – but it can be anything from refraining from cussing to refraining from describing embarrassing or quirky attributes of the complainer to outsiders.

To me, sexually frustrating one’s spouse seems to me to be the most strange of all such complaints, because it would be so easy and take so little effort to give the frustrated spouses what they say they want.  Do these spouses really care that little about keeping the other spouse happy?  That would seem really mean if not vicious.

After all, sex doesn’t take all that much effort, especially if you are not especially concerned about your own pleasure.  Why not make the other person happy occasionally even if you don’t enjoy it yourself?  A mere half hour every week or two might be just the ticket. 

You say it’s a chore?  So is going out and buying your spouse gifts on birthdays, Valentine's Day, and Christmas.  A lot of people seem willing to do those things.   How about meeting all of your other responsibilities at your job and at home?  Chores all, at least much of the time.  For most people, willing!

Even if the man is completely physically impotent and incurably so…and there's no G-rated way to say this... let’s just say his tongue probably works OK, doesn’t it?

Here is a typical example of a letter from a sex deprived wife, from the column Annie’s Mailbox from March 10, 2012.

"Dear Annie: "John" and I have been married for 15 years. He is a wonderful person and a great father...Our relationship is fine on the surface, but it's emotionally empty. There is little intimacy, which has been an issue throughout our marriage. It manifests itself periodically in arguments that never seem to get resolved… He wonders why I cannot "just be happy," because from his perspective, everything is fine. I have told him clearly that I need more attention and affection, but I have come to the realization that he is "just not that into me.

… Annie, I love my family. I am not asking for a magical romance. I don't think it's too much for a woman to need occasional loving physical gestures from her husband. I can't figure out why it's so hard for him to express his love if he cares for me as much as he says.


I don't want to leave, but things could be so much better if John would only put a little more effort into our marriage. Any suggestions on how to improve things? Or am I just destined to have an emotionless relationship?" 


The Annies answer: "There is a variety of reasons why a man may not show any interest in his wife: He could be gay, asexual, not attracted to you or having an affair. He could have low testosterone or other medical or emotional issues. The real problem is that he refuses to address it…"

Well those are all possibilities, but why would she have married someone like that in the first place if she craved affection so much?  It sounds from the letter like she just thinks hubby might just an A-hole, does it not?  I mean, she seems to think that he is someone who is depriving his dear wife of that which she craves, for no apparent reason.

But is that what is really happening?  Could be, but I have another, more likely explanation. The writer starts by saying that they have been married for fifteen years.  It doesn’t sound like this is a new problem, so what that probably means is that she has been putting up with this treatment for fifteen years.  And, after she mentions that, she praises the guy for being a “wonderful” person.  What, you may ask, is so wonderful about a guy who is more than willing to almost totally neglect your needs just because he can?

I find the husband’s response to be telling.   He asks her why she cannot "just be happy, because from his perspective, everything is fine.”  She also says that she has made it clear that the lack of intimacy bothers her a great deal.  So why would he think everything is just fine?  Why wouldn’t he already know the answer to the question of why she just “can’t be happy?”

Well, unless the guy has the IQ of a turnip, the only reasonable explanation for his apparent obtuseness and confusion is that he doesn’t believe her when she say she wants more intimacy.  Remember, she has been putting up with this for fifteen years.  In her letter she says he is wonderful and that she does not want to leave.   If we are hearing this in a letter she writes that may be up for public consumption, then the odds are extremely good that he has heard her say this stuff.  Many times.

The much less obvious explanation for this state of affairs – and so often the less obvious interpretation turns out to be the correct one for patients who I see in therapy - is that he takes her passive acquiescence of the state of affairs as a signal that she actually prefers it!  So, when she complains about it, he becomes confused and asks her why she is not happy, since he is doing exactly what he thinks she wants.  Maybe she really wants to avoid sex and affection, but also enjoys complaining!

He will never tell her about such thoughts because he knows that the thoughts will probably be greeted with great defensiveness, outright derision, or indignation from her that he is blaming her for his problem with intimacy.  That will get him exactly nothing but grief, so why bother?


More important, he is helping her to not face her issue with sex and affection, because he is volunteering to pretend to be the bad guy by denying her.

So could she really be covertly avoiding sex as much as he is?  And if so, why?  Well, the answer to the first question is a resounding, hell yes.  This does not mean that on some level she really does wish for more sex, but that for some reason she is more comfortable with the current state of affairs than with the “improved” version.  The answer as to why might be a one of many possible issues between her and her own family of origin, but she does not give us any clues in her letter about what those issues might be.

And what happened to his libido?  Again, we don’t know.  Maybe he has a whore/madonna conflict about his wife being a sexual being.  But it could also be many other things.

The point is, they are both avoiding sex, not just him. 

A different letter writer in the Dear Abby column of 3/15/12, says that she has been married for 32 years, and for all these years her husband has lied continually.  He fabricates the most outlandish stories, and the whole family knows it.  Furthermore, he is said to never own up to anything he has done wrong, but instead blames the letter writer for his actions. If she confronts or challenges him, he gets defensive and says she’s "always" belittling or challenging him in front of others. 

The probably translation, according to my scenario, is that she covertly thinks that he has a need for continuous humiliation - so she helps out by humiliating him -  and he thinks his wife needs to humiliate him - so he gives her plenty of opportunities.  After all, from the perspective of each, that is exactly what the other has always done.  For 32 years.


"In relationships, if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got." 

Traumatizing Your Characters Part 10 !!! Writing PTSD treatment thats true to life

This is getting comical. But never fear! I think this is pretty much it. Next Tuesday, I'll be posting at YA Highway, a kind of summary about things to consider when writing traumatic events and characters exhibiting PTSD symptoms.

Up to now:

Part 1: General facts

Part 2: Types of trama

Part 3: Aspects of trauma that make it more or less likely to have lingering psychological effects

Part 4: Individual factors that make it more or less likely a person will develop PTSD after a trauma
Part 5 A and B: Developmental trauma (some thoughts on Nobody But Us by Kristin Halbrook) and an interview with Kristin herself

Part 6: Intrusive Recollection
Part 7: Understanding Triggers
Part 8: Avoidance and Numbing
Part 9: Hyper-arousal

Okay ... so you have a traumatized character, and you want to depict him/her going to treatment. This post is for you.

It is widely accepted that treatment for trauma really can't begin until the person is safe--you can't recover from trauma if you're still IN that trauma. Of course, there's a lot of debate about what "safety" means, and whether we're just talking about physical safety (e.g., not still living in the home with an abuser) or both physical and psychological safety (e.g., is living with a temporary foster family a psychologically safe place to deal with traumatic memories?). We have to use our best judgment and keep doing research on that one.

I'm going to describe prolonged exposure therapy in VERY general terms (that often apply to other research-supported treatment approaches as well, such as EMDR). PE is one of the most well-researched and effective treatments for PTSD in existence. There are other treatments like it, such as trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy, which is often used with traumatized children and their parents. These are not the only treatments--but there is SOLID evidence to show they work. And I don't like to waste time talking about stuff that I don't believe has a reasonable chance of working. If you're going to apply another model of therapy, it might be cool to see if there's any research support to show it's effective in treating PTSD.

A two-minute video on prolonged exposure therapy: