IS IT OKAY TO LET YOUR CHILD GO FOR SLEEP OVERS

We have been conducting seminars on parenting in various schools and one of the greatest concerns raised by parents has to do with sleepovers. Many parents wonder whether or not to allow their children to go for sleepovers or to host them. Their main concern is the safety of their children during such sleepovers. We decided to source for knowledge on the same and here is what we have to share with you.

According to Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After, sleepovers are part of a wonderful childhood, and many parents would like their own kids to be able to enjoy the same. Yet, they can also be a slippery slope just by their very nature, and it’s certainly appropriate for parents to have legitimate concerns. There have been stories about children being molested while at a sleepover while in others, children enjoy without anything bad ever happening. The answer to whether or whether not to have a sleepover is both a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’. It all depends with YOU and what you are most comfortable with!

Sleepovers can provide a perpetrator easier access to a child than a typical play-date during the day. This is because once children are in their beds or sleeping bags, there is a quiet, vulnerable atmosphere when children can be caught off-guard if approached by another adult, or possibly even the older sibling of their friend. In such an environment, a child might be less likely to shout out for help, or even yell out a good, strong “STOP IT!”, for fear of waking the others. The child may feel “trapped” and not know how to get away from the perpetrator. Also, during a sleepover, there may be more of an opportunity for a molester to victimize a child, simply because they can wait until everyone else is asleep. For this reason, it is important to talk specifically with your child about sleepover issues, before you make your decision.

Is the solution "No Sleepovers- Ever?"

That’s one way to solve the problem and it’s certainly a parent’s right to ban sleepovers if you choose. But, some parents may feel differently based on their own experiences or parenting styles. They may want to allow occasional sleepovers depending on certain circumstances. That’s okay too, provided you arm your children with clear safety instructions before ever allowing them to spend the night at another home.

Safeguarding a Sleep Over- A Parents Role.

Before allowing your child to spend the night at any friend’s home, you will need to have specific conversations regarding “good touch/bad touch/confusing touch.” You’ll need to pose some “what if” questions, to be sure your child knows how to react to anything that feels uncomfortable or “yucky.” There are many variables which can determine if a household is safe for a sleepover. You might be comfortable letting your child spend the night at one friend’s home, yet another home may be completely out of the question.

Run through the check list below

This will help you evaluate if this sleepover is a “safe scenario” or not. Consider who else may be at that home… for example, other relatives or adult friends? Is the older sibling also having a friend sleep over, do the parents have the same feelings that you do regarding the use of alcohol or other substances – particularly when children are around?

1. Do you know everyone who lives at the home?
2. Does anyone at this home give you an uncomfortable or “uh-oh” feeling?
3. Will the parents be home or are they having a babysitter in for the night? (If so, who is the sitter and what do you know about them?)
4. Are other children going to spend the night as well?
5. Are the supervising parents having their own adult friends over?
6. Will the children be staying in all night or is there an outing or activity planned for earlier in the evening (such as dinner out, bowling, or a movie)?
7. Will your child need to take a bath there? If so, who will be helping them? (Note: the smartest choice is for the child to bathe at home before going).
8. Have you told your child that they can call you at anytime, no matter what, if they feel uncomfortable or scared and that you’ll pick them up right away? *Even in the middle of the night!
9. Are you able to discuss safety concerns with the supervising parent(s) without worrying about what they might think of you?
10. Do the other parents make you feel guilty for asking questions, or try to minimize your concerns by teasing you or not taking you seriously?
11. Is your child generally able to speak up for themselves when they feel uncomfortable or uneasy?
12. Have you taught your child to trust their instincts and to listen to their own “inner voice”?
13. Have you discussed what to do if someone tries to touch them in an uncomfortable or unsafe manner?

5 Safety tips for kids away from home

1. Assess your child's age

There's no magic age where kids stop being homesick. However, the personality and needs of your child should help you determine at what age kids are ready for a slumber party away from home. The most important thing to consider is your child's safety, so it's up to you to judge whether he or she is capable of making safe decisions under someone else's supervision.

2. Invite the friend over first

Daytime play dates will give you a chance to meet the kid your child wants to have a sleepover with before you send her off to spend the night. Watch and see how the children interact with one another prior to agreeing to any slumber party plans.

3. Meet the parents

Either during drop off, at the sports field during little league games or at a daytime play date, schedule some face time with the adults who are hosting the sleepover prior to the get together. This will give you a chance to catch any red flags or give you peace of mind about your child's nocturnal adventure.

4. Lay out the ground rules

Don't be shy -- let the hosting parents know your child safety rules and supervision requirements for your child. Remember to offer info on anything about your youngster that will pertain to the overnight plans, such as any fears of the dark or food allergies. Also remind your child of your family's rules before he or she heads off to have fun.

5. Create a code word

Develop a word that your kiddo can use as code if he or she becomes uncomfortable at a slumber party and wants to go home. Whether it's a child safety issue like domestic violence or a social issue like drinking or a video game that violates your family's rules, a no questions asked policy when this code word is used will help keep you and your child at ease.

Overall, slumber parties away from home are something that are good for children and parents alike, fostering independence for children and helping you to let go of the reigns as your child grows, as long as you are mindful of basic child safety standards. However, note that setting these sleepover safety guidelines early on will likely lead to less resistance by teens down the road, so start early and send your kiddo off for some overnight fun, If you both so please!

Warm regards from the Nairobi Parenting Clinic Team.

As first days of summer go it couldnt really have been better than this

Actually after some thought and consideration, the above statement is a lie and I retract it. The first day of summer last year purely involved me sleeping and eating after Prom. Nevertheless, this year's first day of summer pars it, because, of course, it involved London and celeb stalking. What else? Yes, I thought I was over it too. I've relapsed.

Disclaimer: The following post may seem exaggerative (word? i like it anyway) but in my eyes and memories, IT HAPPENED.

The first TV recording I ever went to was All Star Family Fortunes in 2009. I was only 15. Back in the days where mum refused to let me go to London on my own. The embarrassing part is that 2 years on when I go again, I'm wearing exactly the same outfit. Unintentionally. It's also raining, like last time, and we're given the same coloured wristbands, like last time. Which is annoying, because I've always wanted the blue wristbands and they keep giving me yellow. IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK.

One difference this time was that I was with 3 friends, instead of my mum. Genna had never been to a TV recording before, Kiera had only been to *shudder* Push The...*gag*...Button, and Ellie...well...you'll see. So each of us were excited for different reasons; me because Russell Kane was on. Every time someone mentioned his name I had to grab the nearest person's shoulder and take a deep breath. Oosh. Before we'd even started queuing I was on a high because he'd tweeted me "Cacking my pants" after I said we were in the audience. SO CUTE. Favourited, natch.

Little did I know that things were going to get a lot amazinger. Firstly, we were FRONT ROW. I'd never been front row before. This was the good stuff. This was where you got picked on. This was where you'd chat with the stars. We weren't MEANT to get front row, though. We only got front row because of...Ellie. You know when people say "OMG if I ever met *insert famous person here* I wouldn't be able to contain myself. I'd freak out! I'd have to be escorted out hahaha!" etc etc, but you know, and they know, they wouldn't. They'd woooooo a bit and 'go a bit funny' but their sanity would remain intact. Even last week when I was metres away from Matt Smith I managed to stay in my seat and keep my fangirling emotions to a suitable level.

This was me on the outside:

This was me on the inside:

So apart from the hugging my legs and rocking, I think I covered it up well. But with Ellie? When she says she can't contain herself....she can't bloody contain herself. I applaud her confidence, I really do, but JESUS CHRIST SHE'S AN EMBARRASSMENT TO BE WITH. She won't mind me saying because she knows it's true, and I told her enough times. However I can't complain because she was the one who stirred up a fuss and lied to get us front row seats. "MARTIN SAID WE GET  FRONT ROW SEATS." "Oh, er, okay, just go round the other side, yeah, fine." She then tweeted Russell Kane telling him exactly where we sitting and how excited we were. I thought nothing of it. He won't be looking at his phone, would he? WELL...

Now I don't know whether it was just coincidence, or whether we were just in his eye line, but I am CONVINCED he knew who we were when his show was recording. The amount of times he looked, smiled, mouthed, COPIED KIERA'S HEART GESTURE (don't ask), and laughed at us made me cry. Literally. No joke. I had to be held I was so emotionally unstable. Even when he got a question wrong, he turned around and looked apologetic AT US. Definitely. Us. Me, even. My eyes. Apology. To me. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. Have you stopped reading yet? Is this getting too stalkerish? I haven't even begun, love...

The show ended at 10:15pm. It was raining. It was cold. I REALLY needed a wee. But we wanted to try and meet Russell after. Which is fine, right, because people go to the stage door all the time after comedy shows for autographs and photos? We were the only ones waiting. We waited for 45 minutes, and in that 45 minutes we saw the Loose Women gang hilariously drunk getting into taxis, and saw Vernon Kay come out. Ellie went "Hi Vernon!". Completely fine. Nice hello. No screaming. But, er, he actually came over. We sat on the wall and had a conversation with Vernon Kay. In the rain. About ketchup. (We'd already had a conversation about sauces with him during the recording, so he knew who we were. If that makes the show I'll go mental.) He also offered us tickets for the following night, but that didn't happen. Probably because Ellie was tweeting him every 5 seconds. She has no shame. Surprised she didn't get blocked, the mentalist. 

I'd made the call at 10:45pm saying if RK hadn't come out by 11pm then we'd have to go. I wasn't going to miss the last tubes again. I didn't think he was going to, but miraculously, five minutes later, a woman emerged and spoke to a taxi driver. 

"Are you waiting for Russell Kane?" 

"Yeah I am, where is he?" 

"He's waiting round the front, can you drive round?"

Ellie: "ALL SYSTEMS GO. RUN RUN RUN. SPRINT. FAST GENNA FFS. MOVE MOVE MOVE." And there he was. Round the front. Just there. Waiting. I'd like to think for us, but he wasn't. (but I'll tell everyone he was, obv) I froze, but Ellie ran up to him. Gen, bless her, just shuffled towards him with her arms outstretched, and Kiera, not giving a fuck, joined us ages after. She wasn't running for anyone. I love Kiera. After seeing Gen get a hug (and a back rub, may I add), I got one too. I got a hug from Russell Kane. Haha. Then we got a photo. And he told us to come and see him in Southend. Haha. Then we went home, and I didn't even get the 'post-gig blues' the next day, because it was genuinely the most perfect evening. Just lovely, and overwhelming. This has been me ever since:

Only problem is now I love Russell Kane a million times more than I did before. My fangirl levels are peaking again. Oops. X

Please I just want to go home sobs

"@simperman #ff @louisejones_x She's going to have a lively blog after last night's adventure."

So er you know I was bursting with a ridiculous amount of excitement Wednesday night and yesterday morning about seeing Ant & Dec? Well after the 10th hour at Pinewood Studios that excitement had receded and was replaced by a big fat feeling of anxious, closely followed by sheer panic and a lot of swearing...

My Mum, like me, believes that things happen for a reason and also believes bad things happen in threes. The morning started off okay, we were on time, organised and were dead excited about it all. Then the first bad thing happened. One of Mum's friends who was meant to come phoned and said she'd had a bad allergic reaction to something overnight and couldn't come, so that sucked. Then Mum tried diverting her work phone but apparently the function isn't on there, why it doesn't baffles me but there you go, so Mum was likely to get a ton of calls throughout the day, which is bad enough for her but worse for me as my Mum has a very loud 'phone voice' and her ringtone is awful. Oh and yes the third bad thing to happen in a hour, it started to rain...a lot...and our hair was perfect...fab. 'But that's three bad things to happen early' I hear you cry. Well yes that's the theory, but theory decided to ambush us with destruction in a number of ways, I even had my lucky bracelet on! Fat lot of good that was.

After an hour of faffing around deciding what to wear I was finally ready and me and Mum were on our way to the station to meet the other 6 who were already there. Got a great deal on train tickets, was only £1 for the kids (because we were obviously kids for transport and adults for the show, brilliant being 16 and noone can tell how old you actually are mwahaha) Jumped on a train to Liverpool Street, then the Metropolitan Line all the way to Uxbridge. Things were now going really well. Found taxis at Uxbridge who took us straight to Pinewood Studios and we were there at 2.30pm...3 hours early...right. Oh well better early than late. A man at reception came out and said "You're too early" Well yes I think we gathered that Mr 'you look a lot like my Physics teacher' man. "Well is there anywhere we can go?" "No." "Oh thank you so much for your help" #clearlynosarcasmintended. If it was up to us 'kids' we would have been quite happy sitting on a bench at Pinewood chatting and nomming on our Marks & Spencer's picnic, but oh no, "Let's go for a walk!" So we were dragged out of Pinewood by my Mum and her best friend to walk...with no purpose...and no sense of direction. Ronan had a Satnav thingy on his phone thank God which told us where we were going, and we found A PUB. Marvellous. So we sat in there for an hour talking, laughing at the sex toy machine in the toilets and trying our best to not get drooled on by Fang from Harry Potter, well Lacey the dog, that looked a lot like Fang from Harry Potter.

We found a shortcut on the way back, typical, and got back to the studios just in time to see other people arriving and starting to queue. Now this is where it gets tense. These tickets are first come first serve, you don't have seat numbers, and you can tell a tv recording regular (us) from a first timer by the way they queue and treat the others. Everyone is your enemy. You automatically dislike everyone. You stare everyone down. It's hilarious but so sad. As cars were coming in the ushers had to send them back out as the gate to the car park wasn't opening till 4.45pm, and it was only 4.15pm now, so naturally we laughed at them being sent away while we queued at the front happily. As 4.45pm came and the gates opened, it looked like the cavalry arrived as all the ushers in yellow jackets came out in a bundle, and all the 'public transport' lot gave each other sneaky looks, mostly at their feet, to see if they were gonna make a run for it through the gate. Well as soon as one posh snobby woman did it started a stampede, literally. Everyone clutching their tickets legged it towards the gates to the ticket people, and me being small managed to push past everyone to the front again, WIN. We were directed into another queue, only to be sent to another which was done for priorities, oh yeah, we were priority.

Then it rained. A LOT. Thankfully we had umbrellas but that precipitation still soaks you, not good. After half an hour of queuing Martin the SRO ticket person little gay man with a big voice I love arrived. I shouted "Martinnnnn! Nice to see you!" which started some glares my way as I was obviously tight with him. I'm not. But I pretended. When it was our turn to get wristbands he said "Oh just four of you? You have six tickets, where are the other two? Dead? Fuck em I didn't like em anyway. Now go to Ian and he'll tell you a story." Hahahaha oh I LOVE him. Well Ian, whoever he was, didn't tell us a story but a woman who looked remarkably like @salihughes gave me my wristband and said my hair looked gorgeous. Score, nice hair even in the rain, Ant & Dec wouldn't be able to resist me. We were directed into a marquee out of the rain where there were seats, so we sat waiting until the next leg of this event. By this time my feet were frozen and wet, so I ended up sticking them in the crease of my knee to warm them up, it worked. We were meant to be taken to the studio at 6.45pm but they were delayed and clearly not organised as us purple wristband people weren't called up till 7.15pm. Oh well it will still be over by 10pm right? *stares* Finally at 7.30pm we were all seated, in FAB seats, bang in the middle 5 rows up. Brilliant! Now we were getting SO excited. The set looked good and it was warrrrrrm, oh I've never appreciated warmth so much in my life. It took a long time getting seated but finally recording started at 8, Ant & Dec appeared in all their glory (minus Ant's shocking hairstyle) and we were clapping and cheering away. I'm not gonna tell you a lot about the actual show, you can see that for yourself next Saturday. But I will tell you that it could have been a LOT better with a lot more variety, and the families they chose were quite clearly from some sort of drama school, Ant & Dec got annoyed with them by the end never mind us, they were SO cocky. Minutes passed, more clapping past, more breaks passed, HOURS passed when Kiera looked at her watch and said it was 11pm. Oh SHIT. Now we were bored out our brains, tired and needed a wee BAD. This was meant to finish at 10pm, it was an hour wait and deep down I was scared we were gonna miss trains, but I always worry about things like that so let it pass. We left th..."Woah hold up Louise you haven't said anything about the warm up guy." Oh what Andy? I want to strangle him, slice him with a small grater and feed him to pigeons. There you go. (He's the warm up guy for Dancing on Ice too which I'm seeing on Sunday, someone will have to restrain me)

We were back at the main entrance at midnight, called for a taxi and I was now having visions of everything stopping and us having to walk the streets of London late at night, but that couldn't happen, could it? *stares harder* We were back at Uxbridge at 12.15am, and were welcomed by silence and one tube...stopping at Wembley. Oh shit x1000. But that was okay, they'll be trains from Wembley *gulp* We sat on that tube for 15mins before it started, and now Mum started to stress, causing me to stress, causing EVERYONE to stress. This was a time for Twitter. Mum didn't even bat an eyelid when I said I was gonna ask Twitter for help on my phone, an obvious sign of 'We need help NOW' The tube started moving at 12.25am and I was frantically asking for help from Twitter. Thankfully @simperman was on the case and found the last trains and buses from Wembley back to Stratford. We were utterly screwed. The last trains and buses were around 12.50am and there was no way we were gonna make that. As we pulled into Wembley we leaped off the train and scrambled to the exit to try and make last trains, it didn't work. Everywhere was eerily empty and the buses didn't go anywhere we wanted to go. One of the workers said there were no more connections anywhere now and then left us. 2 women with 6 kids and he left us stranded. Twat. We left the station and ended up walking up Olympic Way in the rain and dark, just in the hope of finding someone to help us or a bus to take us somewhere we knew. Nothing. It was like everyone had disappeared. It was 1.15am now, we were all shivering with cold, soaked through and scared shitless. We didn't know what to do. So we walked back to the station where a big group of workers were about to start work on the tracks. My Mum was close to tears now and ran up to these men literally begging for help. I have SO much respect for these workers now, they work all through the night and they are genuine lovely men who helped us out so much. One of them took my Mum to the office thing where a man was still monitoring the station, and bless his little heart tried so hard to help. He confirmed there were no more trains and the only buses we could take were ones going to Hainault, over 40 mins away from where we lived and would take two hours on the bus. We were all in tears now just not knowing what the hell to do. This man was absolutely lovely and even offered to put us all up in his hotel room till the first train at 5am (!), either that or we got our own room in Premier Inn next door. By now we were all in this office in the warm, all the works rushing around thinking up ways to get us home and telling us it was all gonna be alright. 1.30am it was now and Mum had rung my Dad to tell him what was happening. After a few phonecalls the lovely train man had managed to bag us a huge taxi to take us all the way home, for £100. Mum didn't know what to do, that was SO much money but we were all in such a state it was our last resort. I ended up breaking the silence through tears going to the man "Please I just want to go home" Which pushed him to get a deal for £90, it was cheaper at least.

The taxi was booked and we waited 20mins outside for it. On our own in the even more freezing and wet night, mysterious cars passing and staring at us, and pervy horrible men trying to talk to us, not to mention the van that skidded and did a 360 nearly crashing into all of us. It was AWFUL. I ended up singing 'Keep Holding On' from Glee to keep me calm. The taxi arrived and we bundled in, 8 of us in a 6 man taxi, three of us including me squeezed in the back, 3 in the middle, one on the floor and one in the front. Finally we were on our way home. After a few tweets and texts I crashed out in the corner of the taxi and woke up at 3am, just as we passed the 'Oakwood Avenue' sign, we were HOME. We shuffled into our house to my Dad who bless him had got up and was watching the Olympics, with money for the taxi man and hot drinks at the ready. I collapsed into his arms and vowed never to go to Pinewood or London late at night again. I will. But at that moment I just wanted to stay at home for the rest of my life. At 4am I finally got into bed after being ill from all the kerfuffle and sticking my feet under the shower, my toes had gone all wrinkly and white like when you're in the bath for too long.

I fell into bed with a hot water bottle and just fell asleep. Roll on Dancing on Ice, IN THE CAR. X

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