An Internet Article about Abusiveness

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How Best to Handle Criticism

Criticism is defined as the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes. 

Every man in his lifetime must be a receiver of criticism at one point or another. Naturally, no man loves being criticized because criticism stings like a grain of sand in the eye. Any wise person however, can learn how to be patient enough to listen to criticism and draw the most out of it, especially if it is valid. It is like mining gold: amidst the dirt do you find the precious jewel, and when refined, it becomes the most valuable of all jewels.

In this article, we will learn various techniques of handling criticism such that you gain the most out of it.

TYPES OF CRITICISM

 Criticism can be either valid or unjustified.

Valid criticism is the constructive kind of criticism which is based on accurate perceptions of events or behavior. The person doing the criticizing is motivated by a desire to help and provides solid suggestions for change.

You know it is valid criticism when you:

• have heard the criticism from more than one person
• the critic knows a great deal about the subject
• the critic is generally known as someone who has and applies reasonable standards of behavior

 Unjustified criticism on the other hand is the kind that is often delivered by someone when you don't live up to their expectations. The critic might nag, recite your failures as a person, try to appear smarter, better than you etc.

RESPONDING TO CRITICISM

To gain the most out of criticism you should use an assertive communication style when responding to it. This ensures that you show respect for yourself and your critic, without attacking or surrendering. Your main intention is to resolve misunderstandings, acknowledge what may be accurate in the criticism, and dilute any unjustified attack.

The following are the three most basic communication techniques that are effective in responding to criticism:

1.Acknowledgment

2.Disarming

3.Probing

I.                   ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

When someone criticizes you and the criticism is accurate, an appropriate response is simply to agree. This technique allows you to accept your mistake without apologizing or "beating yourself up" about it. 

1. In acknowledging the content of a criticism that you receive, you can do either of the following           Say "You're right"
2. Paraphrase criticism, so the critic is sure you heard him/her accurately
3. Thank the critic, if appropriate
4. Apologize or explain yourself, if appropriate.

For instance...

Criticism A:

“Can't you be more careful when you put your dirty clothes in the wash. You left a tissue in your pocket again so now I have to wash everything over!”

Response:                                                                                                     

“You're right. I should have checked my pockets first. Thanks for washing my clothes again.”

Criticism B:

“You said you would get Joe's gift! Now we don't have time to get a gift before his party! Thanks a lot!”

Response:

“You're right. I was going to write myself a reminder note and I didn't. I'm sorry.”

Criticism C:

“Where have you been?! You were going to meet me at the mall at 10:00 and you never showed up!”

Response:

“You're right. A crisis came up at work as I was leaving. I tried to call you, but you had already left.”

II.                DISARMING

This is one of the most difficult, yet powerful, techniques for responding to criticism. Disarming allows you to defuse the situation, without acknowledging that you actually agree with the criticism

       1. Find something in the criticism that is accurate and acknowledge it.

Criticism A: “

You're such a slob. You never clean up after yourself.”

Response:

“You're right. I did leave the dishes in the sink yesterday.” (This acknowledges that indeed you left the dishes in the sink, but you don't agree with the exaggeration that you never clean up after yourself or the global judgment that you are a "slob".)

       2. In your mind, there is no reasonable chance that the critic is right. But, you acknowledge the critic's feelings.

 Criticism :

“I can't believe you don't lock your car doors. It's an invitation to have it stolen. Some day you're going to walk out and your car will be gone”

Response:

“You may be right. I appreciate your concern.”

III.             PROBING

This technique is effective when you can't tell if the criticism is valid or unjustified because the critic is vague. Probing allows you to gain enough information from the critic to determine his/her intent. Using where, what, when, how, and why questions allows you to elicit the information you need to judge how to respond to the criticism.

Criticism A:

You don't seem like yourself anymore.”

Response:

“What do you mean? What am I doing?” Or: “Why do you think I don't seem like myself?” Or: “When are you observing that I don't seem like myself?

Criticism B:

“You're really treating Margaret lousy. You must not like her anymore. “

Response:

“What did I do that makes you think I don't like Margaret?”

Criticism C:

“You don't work well with the customers.”

Response:

“Was there a recent situation that concerns you?”

Or: “Would you give me an example of what I do that you believe is "not working well" with the customers?”

We hope that the next time you are faced by a critic, you will draw the most out of his/ her criticisms. In the same way, we hope that the next time you have to criticize someone/ something, it will be constructive. You may consider using the sandwich approach demonstrated in the diagram below in a bid to ensure you help the people you correct become better while pointing out their mistakes.

References

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/dealing-with-criticism.html#ixzz3e9hA7IRZ

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/dealing-with-criticism.html