Club for the socially anxious one member!

I have been invited to a party!

Well, I really want to go. I really want to have fun but already I can feel my enemy closing in - those feelings of anxiety - chest tightening, my legs get shaky, my heart starts to beat harder, my mouth feels dry.

I know I will go but for once I would like to actually have a good time!

Here's what usually happens:

Preparation

• I go to the party with big hopes that things will be different this time.


• I spend ages on my clothing choices - getting it just right.


• I try to think of a few interesting things to say.


• I try not to feel worried or stressed or anxious.
  

At the Party

• I arrive and desperately look for anyone I know.


• Yes I am in luck. There they are - laughing and talking with a group of other people.

• I head straight for them hoping to be included in their conversation.


• I say hello and stand on the outside of their circle nodding and smiling, drink in hand.
  

• I have nothing to say.


• If some kind soul tries to include me I have very little of value to add - maybe a word or two.

• I am nervous, and self conscious of my face and my body.


• When I smile my lips stick to my teeth.
  


• When I speak my voice kind of chokes.

• I stand on the outside trying not to panic.

• It seems like I am alone even though I am in this big crowd.


• I feel so awkward I move away and hide in the washroom for as long as I can without looking weird.

Rinse and repeat!

Pretty pathetic isn't it?

Before this next party I am going to find out what I can do to help myself have a better time. Although I do love it just sipping chamomile tea isn't going to be enough to get me ready for this! - Yikes!

I've got to go looking for some big time anxiety busters for this one!

This is a big party and I have about a month to prepare.

I'll document the anxiety reducing strategies I find here on this blog and then report back to you on how I do at this next gala event.

I hope I can do better because I am really tiring of being permanently social anxious and awkward.

I desperately want to be one of those girls who has a fun fantastic fabulous time at a party!