No one can snatch my sheep out of my hand

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. John 10:27-28

Have you heard the one about the agoraphobic who collected restaurant menus

Sounds like the set-up line for a joke, right? It's not. According to this Atlantic blog post, the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of American History recently added to its archives a collection of 4,500 menus from restaurants around the world, collected over four decades by one Virginia Mericle of Washington, DC.:

Mericle was a life-long collector. As a star-struck 16 year old, she would write to movie studios and request photographs of actors. Bing Crosby, John Wayne, and Dean Martin were a few of her favorite stars. She received many replies; some of the pictures were even signed by the stars themselves.

After marrying and having children, Mericle developed agoraphobia and gradually stopped venturing outside her home. Yet she remained very connected to the outside world -- through the mail.

...Interestingly, Mericle seems to have taken little interest in the actual menus, and merely sorted them into American and international piles. Furthermore, the influx of menus had no impact on the family's culinary habits. It is quite possible that Mericle simply wanted to feel connected to the outside world, and accomplished this goal through mail correspondence. Perhaps her experience with the movie studios taught her to select institutions that would readily respond to impersonal mail solicitations.

The Willows, in Honolulu. Timmy Chan's in Houston. The Luau Hut of Silver Spring, MD. Apparently, if you bring a little yearning purpose and vision to it, your hoard can end up being thought of as a collection. Go forth, agoraphobics, and bring into being exquisite collections of yellowing documents! Just remember menus have already been done.

Club for the socially anxious one member!

I have been invited to a party!

Well, I really want to go. I really want to have fun but already I can feel my enemy closing in - those feelings of anxiety - chest tightening, my legs get shaky, my heart starts to beat harder, my mouth feels dry.

I know I will go but for once I would like to actually have a good time!

Here's what usually happens:

Preparation

• I go to the party with big hopes that things will be different this time.


• I spend ages on my clothing choices - getting it just right.


• I try to think of a few interesting things to say.


• I try not to feel worried or stressed or anxious.
  

At the Party

• I arrive and desperately look for anyone I know.


• Yes I am in luck. There they are - laughing and talking with a group of other people.

• I head straight for them hoping to be included in their conversation.


• I say hello and stand on the outside of their circle nodding and smiling, drink in hand.
  

• I have nothing to say.


• If some kind soul tries to include me I have very little of value to add - maybe a word or two.

• I am nervous, and self conscious of my face and my body.


• When I smile my lips stick to my teeth.
  


• When I speak my voice kind of chokes.

• I stand on the outside trying not to panic.

• It seems like I am alone even though I am in this big crowd.


• I feel so awkward I move away and hide in the washroom for as long as I can without looking weird.

Rinse and repeat!

Pretty pathetic isn't it?

Before this next party I am going to find out what I can do to help myself have a better time. Although I do love it just sipping chamomile tea isn't going to be enough to get me ready for this! - Yikes!

I've got to go looking for some big time anxiety busters for this one!

This is a big party and I have about a month to prepare.

I'll document the anxiety reducing strategies I find here on this blog and then report back to you on how I do at this next gala event.

I hope I can do better because I am really tiring of being permanently social anxious and awkward.

I desperately want to be one of those girls who has a fun fantastic fabulous time at a party!

Plausibility Check Can a loved one trigger a flashback

Here's another question from Rachael at Writers' Chasm:

My male MC has a mother with PTSD. [Describes traumatic situation, after which mother believes son is dead for a brief period of time] She refuses to get help for her PTSD and never leaves home. She also has a panic attack whenever she sees her son because he reminds her of the terror of that day. Is this realistic? 

Rachael's character would probably be experiencing a flashback when something reminds her of the trauma, and flashbacks vary in their severity. During some, people re-experience the trauma to the point of temporarily losing their connection with reality. During others, it's just a momentary jolt at a reminder of the trauma (commonly called a "trigger"). It sounds like this character is having a pretty severe flashback if she's having panic symptoms.

In this case, the woman's son, someone she's lived with for a long time, is reminding her of the trauma. So the question is: Could someone's own loved one trigger a flashback?

Well ...

Yes.

With some caveats.

First, I'm not talking about whether a loved one's behavior could trigger a flashback. That DEFINITELY happens. For example, I've worked with women who had been battered by their boyfriends or spouses. Usually the reason they come to me is because their son or daughter is aggressive or defiant. And in the cases where the mother has been traumatized, sometimes the child's aggressive behavior toward her triggers a flashback (which, of course, leads to a less-than-effective parenting response to the aggression).

But that's not what I'm talking about here. In this case, just the loved one's presence is causing the flashback. And here's how it could happen for this character: She sees her son, and she re-experiences the horror of thinking he was dead and all the images/memories associated with that period of time. Now, just seeing him could then set off a feeling of relief, like "Oh, thank god, you're here and you're not dead." And that would help her calm down. BUT, if her thoughts spun in another direction: "If you died, I wouldn't survive, I couldn't go on, it would be so terrible, oh no oh no oh no ..." then it's a whole different ballgame.

It's all in the thoughts.

If you read Wednesday's post, you saw me say that treatment for PTSD involves helping the person reframe her thoughts to avoid that kind of panic. But also, treatment involves exposure to the memories of the event until the person is able to tolerate them.

And here's where a loved one as a trauma-trigger gets tricky. IF she was exposed to her son's presence every day, she'd be more likely to get over the trauma. That's because just being around him would trigger the memories, and if she remained in his presence for awhile, her distress would probably wane. BUT if she avoided him diligently, then that habituation (i.e., a reduction in her distress as she got used to his presence) wouldn't happen as quickly, if at all.

So--yes, a loved one could be a trigger for a traumatic reaction. But at the same time, just being around someone a lot would likely help recovery (from that particular trigger, at least). And again, if the thoughts are negative or maladaptive (e.g., "this is so terrible" as opposed to "thank god it wasn't worse"), then the trauma reaction will be stronger and more persistent.

If any of you have questions about mental disorders or the plausibility of psychological symptoms or reactions, please feel free to email me at strangestsituation (at) comcast (dot) net.