How were making our children more anxious and depressed

When I was a kid on Long Island, summertime would unleash a gaggle of us to roam the streets and sidewalks of our suburban neighborhood from morning 'til dark, with breaks only for lunch and dinner in the kitchens of our ranches and split levels.

Today, those same streets and sidewalks are devoid of children. Why? Here's what a recent Atlantic article says:

"Since about 1955 ... children's free play has been continually declining, at least partly because adults have exerted ever-increasing control over children's activities," says the author Peter Gray, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology (emeritus) at Boston College...

..."It is hard to find groups of children outdoors at all, and, if you do find them, they are likely to be wearing uniforms and following the directions of coaches while their parents dutifully watch and cheer."

Why has this happened? Fear: "...parents mentioned child predators, road traffic, and bullies as reasons for restricting their children's outdoor play."

Never mind that the actual threats facing our kids are likely no greater than they've ever been. If kids' lack of unstructured, self-directed play seems like a bad thing to you, you're onto something. It's the rare kid who doesn't find it stressful having a parent looking over his or her shoulder, and as we've discussed before here on PANIC!, stress is bad news. And the costs to children of not being able to explore and socialize and make mistakes and come to decisions on their own can be high, and may include an increased likelihood of anxiety and depression as they grow up:

There has been a significant increase in anxiety and depression from 1950 to present day in teens and young adults and Gray cites several studies documenting this rise. One showed that five to eight times as many children and college students reported clinically significant depression or anxiety than 50 years ago and another documented a similar trend in the fourteen- to sixteen-year-old age group between 1948 and 1989.

Suicide rates quadrupled from 1950 to 2005 for children less than fifteen years and for teens and young adults ages 15-25, they doubled.

Of course, this doesn't recognize that anxiety and depression rates depend on unknowable changes in rates of people seeking treatment for these problems and psychiatric diagnosis standards, but it seems pretty likely to me that driving our kids harder and giving them less space to find their identity and learn to manage their emotions on their own is a recipe for anxiety and depression later on.

The bottom line for parents? Try a little less structure and a little more "just be home for dinner."

Conversation Starters For The Socially Anxious

I received a great deal of help with ideas for how a person with social anxiety can start and maintain conversations at parties for instance.

Here are some of the conversation starter tips I received. They are good - these may come in handy.

Start with :
Hi, I’m Lauren, nice to meet you.

Then follow up with any of these:

How was your day?
What funny weather we’ve been having.
What do you think about (Mention an recent newsworthy trend or topic in the news) (not political or religious please)
Do you know many people here?
Have you been here before?
Did you have to travel far?
Where do you work? How long have you worked there?

Keeping the conversation going after that with topics like these:

What TV shows are you into watching?
Seen any great movies lately?
Read any great books lately?
What’s your favourite hobby?
What type of music do you like?
How do you typically enjoy the weekends?
What sports do you play or follow?
I like your tie/dress/jacket/handbag or other item

It is of course helpful to share about your self as well on any of the above topics. Share your favorite movie or your view on a recent news item, or a hobby you love. You don't want to hold a one way interview!

Further getting to know you questions can include:

What reality show would you go on and why?
Have you travelled much? Which country would you like to visit?
If you could pick any 5 famous people to attend a dinner party you would host who would you pick?
If your life was made into a movie, what would it be called?
If you decided to author a book, what would you write about?
If you were in charge of the world what are the 3 changes you would make?
Who is the most famous person you have met?
What’s the one movie you could watch again and again?
What is your favorite thing to have for breakfast?
What was your first job, and what was it like?
Are you a cat person or a dog person?

Other ideas to follow with after you have been in conversation and there is an uncomfortable lull or silence.

Acknowledge the silence and feeling of awkwardness - "wow I feel really awkward meeting new people and find myself not knowing what to say" (this can endear you to people by being so honest and vulnerable and may start a sharing on the other person part too)

Also see these great tips

More to come...

Club for the socially anxious one member!

I have been invited to a party!

Well, I really want to go. I really want to have fun but already I can feel my enemy closing in - those feelings of anxiety - chest tightening, my legs get shaky, my heart starts to beat harder, my mouth feels dry.

I know I will go but for once I would like to actually have a good time!

Here's what usually happens:

Preparation

• I go to the party with big hopes that things will be different this time.


• I spend ages on my clothing choices - getting it just right.


• I try to think of a few interesting things to say.


• I try not to feel worried or stressed or anxious.
  

At the Party

• I arrive and desperately look for anyone I know.


• Yes I am in luck. There they are - laughing and talking with a group of other people.

• I head straight for them hoping to be included in their conversation.


• I say hello and stand on the outside of their circle nodding and smiling, drink in hand.
  

• I have nothing to say.


• If some kind soul tries to include me I have very little of value to add - maybe a word or two.

• I am nervous, and self conscious of my face and my body.


• When I smile my lips stick to my teeth.
  


• When I speak my voice kind of chokes.

• I stand on the outside trying not to panic.

• It seems like I am alone even though I am in this big crowd.


• I feel so awkward I move away and hide in the washroom for as long as I can without looking weird.

Rinse and repeat!

Pretty pathetic isn't it?

Before this next party I am going to find out what I can do to help myself have a better time. Although I do love it just sipping chamomile tea isn't going to be enough to get me ready for this! - Yikes!

I've got to go looking for some big time anxiety busters for this one!

This is a big party and I have about a month to prepare.

I'll document the anxiety reducing strategies I find here on this blog and then report back to you on how I do at this next gala event.

I hope I can do better because I am really tiring of being permanently social anxious and awkward.

I desperately want to be one of those girls who has a fun fantastic fabulous time at a party!

Financial crash got you anxious Youre not alone

A recent NYT article discusses anxiety in the face of financial peril. Anecdotally:

Anne Hubbard has not lost her job, house or savings, and she and her husband have always been conservative with money.

But a few months ago, Ms. Hubbard, a graphic designer in Cambridge, Mass., began having panic attacks over the economy, struggling to breathe and seeing vivid visions of "losing everything," she said.

She "could not stop reading every single economic report," was so "sick to my stomach I lost 12 pounds" and "was unable to function," said Ms. Hubbard, 52, who began, for the first time, taking psychiatric medication and getting therapy.

In Miami, Victoria Villalba, 44, routinely slept eight hours a night until stories of desperate clients flooding the employment service she runs began jolting her awake at 2 a.m. No longer sleepy, she first began to respond to e-mail, but that caused sleeping colleagues' BlackBerrys to wake them, so now she studies business books and meticulously organizes her closets...

...Elizabeth Dewey-Vogt, 25, a paralegal whose bills and shrinking overtime made her move in with her parents in Alexandria, Va., said she began "constantly worrying about finances," and having panic attacks, "rapid heart beat, choking sensation, chills or sweating, numbness and tingling in my fingers," and feeling "almost removed from my body."

Ms. Dewey-Vogt said that she now took anxiety medication, and that a therapist advised her to pull over or "concentrate on the license plate ahead" if she began panicking while driving and to grip on the handles of her chair when panicking at work.

And statistically:

In an American Psychological Association poll in September, 80 percent reported the economy's causing significant stress, up from 66 percent last April. The National Sleep Foundation said 27 percent of people surveyed last fall had sleeplessness because of economic anxiety.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline calls jumped to 50,158 in January 2009 from 39,465 a month in January 2008, and economic stress more frequently "played a central role," said Richard McKeon, the group's federal project officer...

And while a New York Times/CBS News poll found fewer people saying the economy had worsened, most did not think it was improving. People overwhelmingly thought the recession would last another year or more, and 70 percent were concerned that a household member would be jobless.

Of course, shame is an essential part of what the newly anxious are experiencing:

"I'm embarrassed," [Villalba] said. "Normal people aren't doing this."

...Ms. Hubbard, knowing "financially we were fine," said she believed "I shouldn't feel like this, I'm lucky." She cried visiting her primary doctor, who recommended therapy and medication, hard to accept, she said, because her Depression-era parents believed "you pull yourself up."

"I felt like a neurotic middle-class, middle-aged woman too weak to deal with life on my own," she said. "I should be stronger, it was simply money, and why do I have to take pills to not worry about money."

Guess what, lady? Maybe you are neurotic and unable to deal with life on your own. If so, so what? It's a big club you're joining.

Learning from anxious monkeys

A recent study of anxious monkeys illuminates subtle aspects of why and how they are anxious:

- Young rhesus monkeys from a large, related family showed a clear pattern of inherited anxious temperament.

- Monkeys with anxious temperaments had higher activity in the central nucleus of the amygdala and the anterior hippocampus. In addition, researchers could predict an individual’s degree of anxious temperament by its brain activity.

- Genes and environmental factors affected activity in the amygdala and hippocampus in different ways, providing a brain-based understanding of how nature and nurture might interact to determine an individual’s vulnerability to developing common psychiatric disorders

The hope is that what researchers are learning about anxiety in young monkeys may someday help identify and intervene with anxious children:

The new discovery may ultimately lead to new ways to detect anxiety in children, says Drew Fox, a graduate student ... and a co-author on the study.

"Markers of familial risk for anxiety could be identified by understanding alterations in specific genes that influence hippocampal function," says Fox.

The study suggests that there is a tremendous opportunity to modify the environment to prevent children from developing full-blown anxiety.