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The Joy of Self Esteem What Its Related to and What Its Not

First, for those of you who commented Wednesday, and for those of you who communicated with me over email, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm really honored to have these conversations with you.

Now. Self-esteem. The whole thing is kind of complicated. This won't be the only post I do on this topic. And before I get started, just a warning: If you look at my profile up there in the top righthand corner, it says "unapologetically empirical". That means I value good evidence over what-seems-like-it-should-be-true (most of the time, at least). Here's where I got my evidence for today's post: an article that reviews about 15,000 studies' worth of data on self-esteem.

Several decades ago, a few studies came out linking self-esteem to good outcomes for people. And some psychologists said, "America, self-esteem is where it's at."

Is anyone else vaguely creeped out by this?

We make people feel good about themselves and our problems are solved.  What's not to love about this idea?At least one state--California--spent tons o' money on initiatives meant to improve self-esteem. And then things got a little wild.  Folks started banning games of tag in school playgrounds and giving out prizes for nothing at all and tossing confetti at people.

And then researchers took a step back and ... did better research. And then a few others looked at all the studies together. Their findings?

Self-esteem is nice, but it ain't all that.


Sigh. These psychologists said, "Erm, America, we might have jumped the gun."

It turns out self-esteem is not strongly related to many outcomes. Not substance abuse. Not interpersonal success. For the things it is related to, there's no solid evidence that it CAUSES them. It's  related to depression but not considered a primary cause of it. It's also related to academic success ... but a close analysis suggests that success raises self-esteem, not the other way around. Interventions meant to increase student self-esteem haven't actually resulted in kids doing better in school.

High self-esteem does have its benefits. It's related to persistence in challenging tasks as well as happiness and emotional resilience. That's good stuff, and can really come in handy when you're a writer who's trying to make it to publication. People with high self-esteem rate themselves as prettier, smarter, more likeable, and generally shinier than others. It's not necessarily true, but it can keep you going, right? High self-esteem may be the fluffy buffer that protects some people from the slings and arrows of life (research results are actually mixed on this one).

Anyway, many of you said your self-esteem fluctuates depending on what's going on in your life--and depending on what part of your life we're talking about. Some of you are feeling discouraged, and you feel bad about yourselves. Some of you are really riding the rollercoaster right now, feeling different every day. Some of you are in a good place, and you're feeling fantastic about yourselves. Some of you are treading the middle path. Many of you tied that to your evaluations of your skill or success in one area or another. All that makes really good sense. What research seems to suggest is that events in our lives really have an affect on how we feel about ourselves, as much as or more than the reverse.

Self-esteem is a perception. It's not guaranteed, objective, verifiable reality. In fact, it sometimes veers sharply away from reality. You can be really good and still feel bad about yourself. You can suck and feel good. And feeling good feels GOOD. It's great, unless it holds you back from improving, which could be a huge problem for a writer. But if it lets you face the criticism, use it, and still be all right, that's the perfect place to be.

Like I said, there will be more on self-esteem and all its glorious complications. Next week, I'll be doing a post or two on bullying, and self-esteem's going to come up again.

Most of us have been taught about the importance of self-esteem from childhood, so do these results on self-esteem surprise you?

Financial crash got you anxious Youre not alone

A recent NYT article discusses anxiety in the face of financial peril. Anecdotally:

Anne Hubbard has not lost her job, house or savings, and she and her husband have always been conservative with money.

But a few months ago, Ms. Hubbard, a graphic designer in Cambridge, Mass., began having panic attacks over the economy, struggling to breathe and seeing vivid visions of "losing everything," she said.

She "could not stop reading every single economic report," was so "sick to my stomach I lost 12 pounds" and "was unable to function," said Ms. Hubbard, 52, who began, for the first time, taking psychiatric medication and getting therapy.

In Miami, Victoria Villalba, 44, routinely slept eight hours a night until stories of desperate clients flooding the employment service she runs began jolting her awake at 2 a.m. No longer sleepy, she first began to respond to e-mail, but that caused sleeping colleagues' BlackBerrys to wake them, so now she studies business books and meticulously organizes her closets...

...Elizabeth Dewey-Vogt, 25, a paralegal whose bills and shrinking overtime made her move in with her parents in Alexandria, Va., said she began "constantly worrying about finances," and having panic attacks, "rapid heart beat, choking sensation, chills or sweating, numbness and tingling in my fingers," and feeling "almost removed from my body."

Ms. Dewey-Vogt said that she now took anxiety medication, and that a therapist advised her to pull over or "concentrate on the license plate ahead" if she began panicking while driving and to grip on the handles of her chair when panicking at work.

And statistically:

In an American Psychological Association poll in September, 80 percent reported the economy's causing significant stress, up from 66 percent last April. The National Sleep Foundation said 27 percent of people surveyed last fall had sleeplessness because of economic anxiety.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline calls jumped to 50,158 in January 2009 from 39,465 a month in January 2008, and economic stress more frequently "played a central role," said Richard McKeon, the group's federal project officer...

And while a New York Times/CBS News poll found fewer people saying the economy had worsened, most did not think it was improving. People overwhelmingly thought the recession would last another year or more, and 70 percent were concerned that a household member would be jobless.

Of course, shame is an essential part of what the newly anxious are experiencing:

"I'm embarrassed," [Villalba] said. "Normal people aren't doing this."

...Ms. Hubbard, knowing "financially we were fine," said she believed "I shouldn't feel like this, I'm lucky." She cried visiting her primary doctor, who recommended therapy and medication, hard to accept, she said, because her Depression-era parents believed "you pull yourself up."

"I felt like a neurotic middle-class, middle-aged woman too weak to deal with life on my own," she said. "I should be stronger, it was simply money, and why do I have to take pills to not worry about money."

Guess what, lady? Maybe you are neurotic and unable to deal with life on your own. If so, so what? It's a big club you're joining.

On failure and not being afraid of it

I feel pretty confident saying that a lot of people who have panic attacks have issues with failure. Not that we all don't. But that there's often a dysfunctional relationship with failure -- some kind of fundamental inability to deal with failure without hurting ourselves or others -- lurking behind panic.

Which might make this New York Times piece, about the importance of failure from a philosophical perspective, pretty interesting. A snippet:

Failure is the sudden irruption of nothingness into the midst of existence. To experience failure is to start seeing the cracks in the fabric of being, and that’s precisely the moment when, properly digested, failure turns out to be a blessing in disguise. For it is this lurking, constant threat that should make us aware of the extraordinariness of our being: the miracle that we exist at all when there is no reason that we should. Knowing that gives us some dignity. 

In this role, failure also possesses a distinct therapeutic function. Most of us (the most self-aware or enlightened excepted) suffer chronically from a poor adjustment to existence; we compulsively fancy ourselves much more important than we are and behave as though the world exists only for our sake; in our worst moments, we place ourselves like infants at the center of everything and expect the rest of the universe to be always at our service. We insatiably devour other species, denude the planet of life and fill it with trash. Failure could be a medicine against such arrogance and hubris, as it often brings humility.

We shouldn't try to avoid failure. We should embrace it. It's our truest opportunity to learn.

Previously on PANIC!: "Perfectionism and anxiety."

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