IS IT OKAY TO LET YOUR CHILD GO FOR SLEEP OVERS

We have been conducting seminars on parenting in various schools and one of the greatest concerns raised by parents has to do with sleepovers. Many parents wonder whether or not to allow their children to go for sleepovers or to host them. Their main concern is the safety of their children during such sleepovers. We decided to source for knowledge on the same and here is what we have to share with you.

According to Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After, sleepovers are part of a wonderful childhood, and many parents would like their own kids to be able to enjoy the same. Yet, they can also be a slippery slope just by their very nature, and it’s certainly appropriate for parents to have legitimate concerns. There have been stories about children being molested while at a sleepover while in others, children enjoy without anything bad ever happening. The answer to whether or whether not to have a sleepover is both a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’. It all depends with YOU and what you are most comfortable with!

Sleepovers can provide a perpetrator easier access to a child than a typical play-date during the day. This is because once children are in their beds or sleeping bags, there is a quiet, vulnerable atmosphere when children can be caught off-guard if approached by another adult, or possibly even the older sibling of their friend. In such an environment, a child might be less likely to shout out for help, or even yell out a good, strong “STOP IT!”, for fear of waking the others. The child may feel “trapped” and not know how to get away from the perpetrator. Also, during a sleepover, there may be more of an opportunity for a molester to victimize a child, simply because they can wait until everyone else is asleep. For this reason, it is important to talk specifically with your child about sleepover issues, before you make your decision.

Is the solution "No Sleepovers- Ever?"

That’s one way to solve the problem and it’s certainly a parent’s right to ban sleepovers if you choose. But, some parents may feel differently based on their own experiences or parenting styles. They may want to allow occasional sleepovers depending on certain circumstances. That’s okay too, provided you arm your children with clear safety instructions before ever allowing them to spend the night at another home.

Safeguarding a Sleep Over- A Parents Role.

Before allowing your child to spend the night at any friend’s home, you will need to have specific conversations regarding “good touch/bad touch/confusing touch.” You’ll need to pose some “what if” questions, to be sure your child knows how to react to anything that feels uncomfortable or “yucky.” There are many variables which can determine if a household is safe for a sleepover. You might be comfortable letting your child spend the night at one friend’s home, yet another home may be completely out of the question.

Run through the check list below

This will help you evaluate if this sleepover is a “safe scenario” or not. Consider who else may be at that home… for example, other relatives or adult friends? Is the older sibling also having a friend sleep over, do the parents have the same feelings that you do regarding the use of alcohol or other substances – particularly when children are around?

1. Do you know everyone who lives at the home?
2. Does anyone at this home give you an uncomfortable or “uh-oh” feeling?
3. Will the parents be home or are they having a babysitter in for the night? (If so, who is the sitter and what do you know about them?)
4. Are other children going to spend the night as well?
5. Are the supervising parents having their own adult friends over?
6. Will the children be staying in all night or is there an outing or activity planned for earlier in the evening (such as dinner out, bowling, or a movie)?
7. Will your child need to take a bath there? If so, who will be helping them? (Note: the smartest choice is for the child to bathe at home before going).
8. Have you told your child that they can call you at anytime, no matter what, if they feel uncomfortable or scared and that you’ll pick them up right away? *Even in the middle of the night!
9. Are you able to discuss safety concerns with the supervising parent(s) without worrying about what they might think of you?
10. Do the other parents make you feel guilty for asking questions, or try to minimize your concerns by teasing you or not taking you seriously?
11. Is your child generally able to speak up for themselves when they feel uncomfortable or uneasy?
12. Have you taught your child to trust their instincts and to listen to their own “inner voice”?
13. Have you discussed what to do if someone tries to touch them in an uncomfortable or unsafe manner?

5 Safety tips for kids away from home

1. Assess your child's age

There's no magic age where kids stop being homesick. However, the personality and needs of your child should help you determine at what age kids are ready for a slumber party away from home. The most important thing to consider is your child's safety, so it's up to you to judge whether he or she is capable of making safe decisions under someone else's supervision.

2. Invite the friend over first

Daytime play dates will give you a chance to meet the kid your child wants to have a sleepover with before you send her off to spend the night. Watch and see how the children interact with one another prior to agreeing to any slumber party plans.

3. Meet the parents

Either during drop off, at the sports field during little league games or at a daytime play date, schedule some face time with the adults who are hosting the sleepover prior to the get together. This will give you a chance to catch any red flags or give you peace of mind about your child's nocturnal adventure.

4. Lay out the ground rules

Don't be shy -- let the hosting parents know your child safety rules and supervision requirements for your child. Remember to offer info on anything about your youngster that will pertain to the overnight plans, such as any fears of the dark or food allergies. Also remind your child of your family's rules before he or she heads off to have fun.

5. Create a code word

Develop a word that your kiddo can use as code if he or she becomes uncomfortable at a slumber party and wants to go home. Whether it's a child safety issue like domestic violence or a social issue like drinking or a video game that violates your family's rules, a no questions asked policy when this code word is used will help keep you and your child at ease.

Overall, slumber parties away from home are something that are good for children and parents alike, fostering independence for children and helping you to let go of the reigns as your child grows, as long as you are mindful of basic child safety standards. However, note that setting these sleepover safety guidelines early on will likely lead to less resistance by teens down the road, so start early and send your kiddo off for some overnight fun, If you both so please!

Warm regards from the Nairobi Parenting Clinic Team.

What Is An Anxiety Attack

What Is An Anxiety Attack?----



please  see video--

Where is My Stop Anxiety At the Party Plan

Yikes!

I have just realized that the party I mentioned getting so ultra confident for is coming up pretty quick! Remember how I want to go and not be plagued by anxiety constantly like I usually am?

I am not anywhere near prepared!

I have got to get into high gear with great conversation topics and strategies and ways to relax and BE ME while I am at the party.

This is time to research and get advice.

I will post everything I find out here --- everything I am able to find out from popular party divas and hostesses and from plain old research.

Please send me advice.

How do you stay relaxed in social settings, how to you speak to others so that you hold their attention, how do I meet new people with ease and not go into complete panic if I have no one to talk to for a few minutes....

Is Marketing Drugs for Non FDA Approved Uses Free Speech

A recent ruling by a three-judge panel of the Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit in Manhattan threatens to legalize the marketing of snake oil without any restrictions. It maintains that the marketing  of pharmaceuticals by drug companies for conditions for which the FDA has not approved them is free speech!

Considering the ruling of the Supreme Court in the Citizens United case, many of us are highly concerned that if the lower court ruling is appealed and ends up there, that the current court will concur, and this will become the law of the land.

U.S. Supreme Court

As my colleague Ken Harvey says, only in America.

I have posted here several times about the huge fines levied against big Pharma drug companies for marketing psychiatric and other medical drugs for uses in conditions for which the FDA has not approved them as safe and effective. For a summary, see my last post on the subject.

Once a medication is FDA-approved for any indication, doctors are absolutely free to prescribed it for any other condition they see fit, but pharmaceutical companies are not allowed to market the drugs for these other conditions. This is important because pharmaceutical companies can run poorly-constructed studies that show that a drug might help this or that condition, and if there were no law against it, use their various marketing techniques and financial inducements to get doctors to prescribe the drug to larger and larger populations of patients.

Many of these powerful marketing techniques have been described by me in a series of previous posts (the last one being my post of August 7, 2012). The profits to be gained by so-called off-label marketing are enormous, and completely dwarf even the billion dollar plus fines levied by the U.S. Department of Justice. The fines are considered to be just a cost of doing business by Big Pharma.

This situation has also led to an explosion of disease mongering, in which the definitions of disorders like bipolar disorder for which certain drugs are FDA-approved are expanded beyond all reason (see my posts of 10/20/12 and 8/13/11).

The damage to patients, especially in the field of psychiatry, has been particularly horrendous. People with family and behavioral problems who are in desperate need of psychotherapy are instead given only drugs, many with potentially toxic side effects.  Patients unfortunately are all to eager to buy in to the proposition that their emotional problems or those of their children are merely the result of some brain dysfunction rather than their own behavioral difficulties.

(Disclaimer for the anti-medication lot: of course some psychiatric conditions do indeed result from brain dysfunction, and for those medication is the primary and most effective treatment, and psychotherapy is next to worthless. Which ones are those?  Read this blog! Also, medications can control anxiety and emotional reactivity so that psychotherapy becomes even more effective).

Just as an aside, readers may wonder if I think it should be illegal for doctors to prescribe medications for non-FDA approved indications. This is a complicated question, because of the crazy way the FDA in the U.S. works. For example, we know that if one SSRI antidepressant (Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Lexapro, Luvox, Viibrid) works for, say obsessive compulsive disorder, then they all do.

However, once one drug company does the studies that result in their getting an approval from the FDA for their product for this indication, the other drug companies have no financial incentives for doing studies with their own product. Doing the studies is expensive, and they know doctors know about the if one-then all idea, so they will use the other me-too drugs off label. I don't see anything wrong with doctors doing so in properly diagnosed patients (which, BTW, is unfortunately a big "if" nowadays).

Also, sometimes there is widespread clinical experience that shows that a given drug is effective for a certain indication for which studies have not led to FDA approval for that indication. For instance, many of us have successfully used SSRI antidepressants in patients with borderline personality disorder to decrease their emotional reactivity (neuroticism). The drugs do not stop the hyper-responsiveness that these patients show to problematic interactions, but they do raise the bar. It takes a higher level of stress to get them into a state of dysregulation than it would in an unmedicated state.  Hardly a cure, but still very useful.

There have been many studies to show that SSRI's do this, some performed by Emil Cocarro, a highly respected researcher. But so far, no drug company has, for a variety of reasons, made a petition to the FDA for this indication.

Dr. Emil F. Cocarro

I would be very much opposed to any action that would limit my ability to help my patients in this way. Unfortunately, many of my colleagues listen to drug company propaganda and use drugs in ways that are very inappropriate. I'm not sure what the solution to this quandary is, but of one thing I am certain: allowing Big Pharma to market drugs for unapproved indications ain't it.

What is hypnosis

Hypnotized lady

Hypnosis is a mental state characterized by sense of relaxation and extreme suggestibility. This phenomenon has been known for more than 200 years, but cognitive science has yet to fully explain how it actually happens. Even though the term hypnosis literally means sleep it's not really like sleep, because the subject is alert the whole time. It is most often compared to daydreaming, or getting absorbed in a book or movie. You are fully conscious, but you avoid most of the stimuli around you. You focus intently on the subject at hand, to the near exclusion of any other thought.

In a daydream an imaginary world seems somewhat real to you, in the sense that it fully engages your emotions. Imaginary events can cause real fear, sadness or happiness. American psychiatrist Milton Erickson pointed out that people hypnotize themselves on a daily basis. But most psychiatrists focus on the trance state brought on by intentional relaxation and focusing exercises. This deep hypnosis is often compared to the relaxed mental state between wakefulness and sleep. In conventional hypnosis, you approach the suggestions of the hypnotist, or your own ideas, as if they were reality. If the hypnotist suggests that your left arm is paralyzed you’ll not be able to move your left arm. If the hypnotist suggests that you are afraid, you may feel panicky or start to sweat. But the entire time, you are aware that it's all imaginary.

Hypnotized cat

In this special mental state, people feel uninhibited and relaxed. Presumably, this is because they tune out the worries and doubts that normally keep their actions in check. You might experience the same feeling while watching a movie: As you get engrossed in the plot, worries about your job, family, etc. fade away, until all you're thinking about is what's up on the screen.

In this state, you are also highly suggestible. That is, when the hypnotist tells you do something, you'll probably accept the idea completely. Fear of embarrassment seems to fly out the mind. But a hypnotist can't get you to do anything you don't want to do.

History

The father of modern hypnotism is Franz Mesmer, an Austrian physician. Mesmer believed hypnosis to be a mystical force flowing from the hypnotist into the subject. He called it "animal magnetism". Critics quickly dismissed the magical element of his theory. But Mesmer's assumption, that the power behind hypnosis came from the hypnotist and was in some way inflicted upon the subject, took hold for some time. Hypnosis was originally known as mesmerism, after Mesmer, and we still use its derivative, "mesmerize," today.

James Braid, a 19th-century Scottish surgeon, originated the terms "hypnotism" and "hypnosis" based on the word hypnos, which is Greek for "to sleep." Braid and other scientists of the era, such as Ambroise-Auguste Liebeault, Hippolyte Bernheim and Charcot, theorized that hypnosis is not a force inflicted by the hypnotist, but a combination of psychologically mediated responses to suggestions. In the modern nomenclature, hypnosis refers to the trance state itself, and hypnotism refers to the act of inducing this state and to the study of this state. A hypnotist is someone who induces the state of hypnosis, and a hypnotherapist is a person who induces hypnosis to treat physical or mental illnesses.

Role of the subconscious mind

Some researchers on hypnosis think that it is a way to access a person's subconscious mind. Normally, you are only aware of the thought processes in your conscious mind. You think over the problems right in front of you, consciously chooses words as you speak. But in doing this, your conscious mind is working hand-in-hand with your subconscious mind, the part of your mind that does your background thinking. Your subconscious mind accesses the vast reservoir of information that lets you solve problems, construct sentences or locate the forgotten keys. It puts together plans and ideas and runs them by your conscious mind. When a new idea comes to you out of the blue, it's because you already thought through the process subconsciously.

Your subconscious also takes care of all the stuff you do automatically. You don't actively work through the steps of breathing minute to minute -- your subconscious mind does that. You don't think through every little thing you do while driving a car -- a lot of the small stuff is thought out in your subconscious mind. Your subconscious also processes the physical information your body receives.

Researchers on hypnotism theorize that the deep relaxation and focusing exercises of hypnotism work to calm and subdue the conscious mind so that it takes a less active role in your thinking process. In this state, you're still aware of what's going on, but your conscious mind takes a backseat to your subconscious mind. Effectively, this allows you and the hypnotist to work directly with the subconscious.

This concept explains all the major characteristics of the hypnotic state. It provides an especially convincing explanation for the behaviour of hypnotized subjects. The conscious mind is the main inhibitive component in your makeup -- it's in charge of putting on the brakes -- while the subconscious mind is the seat of imagination and impulse. When your subconscious mind is in control, you feel much freer and may be more creative. Your conscious mind doesn't have to filter through everything.

Hypnotized people do such bizarre things so willingly because the conscious mind is not filtering and relaying the information they take in. It seems like the hypnotist's suggestions are coming directly from the subconscious, rather than from another person. You act automatically to these suggestions, just as you would to your own thoughts. Of course, your subconscious mind does have a conscience, a survival instinct and its own ideas, so there are a lot of things it won't agree to.

The subconscious is the storehouse for all your memories. While under hypnosis, subjects may be able to access past events that they have completely forgotten. Psychiatrists may use hypnotism to bring up these memories so that a related personal problem can finally be resolved. Since the subject's mind is in such a suggestible state, it is also possible to create false memories. This theory of hypnosis is based mostly on logical reasoning, but there is some physiological evidence that supports it.

Physiology of hypnosis

In numerous studies, researchers have compared the physiology of hypnotized subjects with those of fully conscious people. In most of these studies, the researchers found no significant physical change associated with the trance state of hypnosis. The subject's heart rate and respiration may slow down, but this is due to the relaxation involved in the hypnotism process, not the hypnotic state itself. There does seem to be changed activity in the brain, however. The most notable data comes from electroencephalographs (EEGs), measurements of the electrical activity of the brain. Extensive EEG research has demonstrated that brains produce different electrical waves, rhythms of electrical voltage, depending on their mental state. Deep sleep has a different rhythm than dreaming, for example, and full alertness has a different rhythm than relaxation.

In some studies, EEGs from subjects under hypnosis showed a increase in the lower frequency waves associated with dreaming and sleep, and a drop in the higher frequency waves associated with full wakefulness. Brain-wave information is not a definitive indicator of how the mind is operating, but this pattern does fit the hypothesis that the conscious mind backs off during hypnosis and the subconscious mind takes a more active role.

How to hypnotize a person?

Hypnotists' methods vary, but they all depend on a few basic prerequisites:

• The subject must want to be hypnotized.
• The subject must believe he or she can be hypnotized.
• The subject must eventually feel comfortable and relaxed.

If these criteria are met, the hypnotist can guide the subject into a hypnotic trance using a variety of methods. The most common hypnotic techniques are:

1. Fixed-gaze induction or eye fixation - The hypnotist waves a pocket watch in front of the subject. The basic idea is to get the subject to focus on an object so intently that he or she avoids any other stimuli. As the subject focuses, the hypnotist talks to him or her in a low tone, lulling the subject into relaxation. This method was very popular in the early days of hypnotism, but it isn't used much today because it doesn't work on a large proportion of the population. 
2. Rapid induction - The idea of this method is to overload the mind with sudden, firm commands.
3. If the commands are forceful, and the hypnotist is convincing enough, the subject will surrender his or her conscious control over the situation. This method works well for a stage hypnotist because the novel circumstance of being up in front of an audience puts subjects on edge, making them more susceptible to the hypnotist's commands.
4. Progressive relaxation and imagery - This is the hypnosis method most commonly employed by psychiatrists. By speaking to the subject in a slow, soothing voice, the hypnotist gradually brings on complete relaxation and focus, easing the subject into full hypnosis.
5. Rocking method - This method creates a loss of equilibrium using slow, rhythmic rocking. Parents have been putting babies to sleep with this method for thousands of years.       

Before hypnotists bring a subject into a full trance, they generally test his or her willingness and capacity to be hypnotized. The typical testing method is to make several simple suggestions, such as "Relax your arms completely," and work up to suggestions that ask the subject to suspend disbelief or distort normal thoughts, such as "Pretend you are weightless."

Depending on the person's mental state and personality, the entire hypnotism process can take anywhere from a few minutes to more than a half hour. Hypnotists and hypnotism proponents see the peculiar mental state as a powerful tool with a wide range of applications. 

Is Pain All That There Is

Trigeminal Neuralgia pain is the worst I have ever felt in all my life. 

Sleep is difficult, talking hurts like hell and every single thing that I need to do on a daily basis is becoming increasingly difficult. Brushing my hair is hell, showering is pure torture and brushing my teeth feels like I am using a cheese grater inside my mouth instead of a toothbrush, Moisturising also hurts, and putting on make-up is nasty. 

I feel really self conscious without my war paint. I despise leaving the house without it. I know that it is a silly and some people would say stupid thing to worry about, but it is how I am. 

I just want some of this pain to ease. Just a little. I have daydreams often. In them, I am working, living my life and completely pain free. I would give almost anything for this. It is futile, and each day passes with extreme burning pain, electric shocks overwhelm me every couple of minutes and the stabbing sensation is never ending. 

I feel that I am loosing myself. I look into the mirror and my appearance has changed, there is a blank and glassy look in my uneven pupils, my skin is pale and the swollen black bags under my eyes make me look like I am much older than my 28 years. 

I also don't recognise the woman reflected back. I am miserable, and there isn't much in life that brings me joy, and I don't care about very much any more. I do try and put up a front, I paint my face, struggle to tame my hair and plaster a smile on my face. 

My medications make me feel drunk and stupid, and I am positive that my IQ has dropped 50 points since my diagnosis, which for me is torture. 

Sleep is certainly my nemesis of late. 

I wonder how long I can go without sleep? 2 or 3 hours a night is ridiculous. I have to keep hoping that one morning I will wake up, and my first thought or yelp isn't due to pain. I want my vision back, I need it back. I read a lot, and I love to drive. 

Will there ever be an escape from the pain? Is pain all that there is??

How strong is your mind

How strong is your mind?
  simple mind test-

source

Thomas8april 

Is panic a rational response to 21st century business politics and society

This essay -- "The New World Disorder: The much-heralded individualist spirit of American society relies on nurturing a fear of other people" -- opens with the line, "Panic is our national pastime," then goes on to detail how the U.S. has become a more frightening place in recent times, making thoughtful, provocative statements like:

We locate panic at the extreme end of the anxiety spectrum, as the awful truth of a phobia, the end result of what psychiatrist Robert L. DuPont refers to as the "what if?" of horrific possibility. The possibility of panic, however, covers a much broader band of the spectrum. The news media may not want panic attacks to actually occur, but they like us to routinely consider the possibility that something awful might happen if we do not maintain a healthy level of anxiety — and keep watching the news for updates. Witness coverage of the scare of African killer bees a few years ago, recently featured in Bowling for Columbine. Be alert. Get scared. This anxiety constitutes a sort of pre-emptive strike, if you will, on the panic state. Awful things often do happen. A smoking gun does not need to be fired; the suggestion of a gun's potential is enough. The very possibility of weapons of mass destruction, for example, can inspire a state of panic. The weapons don't need to be there.

and

One cannot underestimate the power of military ideology to redefine a citizenry. To see the world as a never-ending series of conflicts with other nations and peoples is very narrow-minded — but it's how we teach American history, and how the current government defines the agenda for American foreign policy. It also defines how we view the future of security in general. As we develop greater means by which to treat illness and vanquish terrorists, the future should seem brighter — but it can't seem too bright. With the promulgation of Patriot Acts and Total Information Awareness, the distinction between military and psychological notions of panic is becoming scant indeed. The sensation that someone is always watching, that our worst fears are always on the verge of being realized, and that somehow our private lives are being infiltrated by Big Brother — this may be the Orwellian reality of the future, but it sounds like today's domestic policy to me.

and

Along with psychologist Kay Redfield Jamison and countless others, I have experimented with and benefited from the wonders of drug therapy. But it gives me the panic to find myself discussing medication within ten minutes of meeting a therapist for the first time. Undoubtedly, expediency is a consideration in these matters, as many people are panicky and depressed — and psychologists are overbooked. The turn to expedient solutions, however, corresponds to the hasty, undemocratic way in which American politics currently operate. Rather than acknowledge the collective dimensions of panic inspired by threats of war, economic downturns, environmental holocaust, general greed and corruption, and so on, psychopharmacology aims to find the appropriate pill for an individualized illness. Like the "one person, one vote" approach to democracy, psychopharmacology may have good effects, but it is not geared to make the world a hospitable place. It won't bring back the sense of neighborhoods earlier generations enjoyed as children, for that requires a trust in one's neighbors. Treating the symptoms of illness allows us to more or less dismiss its larger social causes. If panic is treated primarily as something located within individual psyches, then the world doesn't have a problem. The advice of W. after 9/11 — business as usual, go out and spend — is offered as a sort of panacea for panicked America. To those who already felt insecure and panicky . . . well, just watch your TV screens. We've got a new reality show on CNN we're sure you're going to love.

Good stuff.