Tampilkan postingan dengan label we. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label we. Tampilkan semua postingan
Selasa, 15 Agustus 2017
Depression How Should We View Ourselves
There are many different ways of looking at ourselves, but which way is correct?
We can view ourselves through society’s standards and expectations, which are commonly revealed through the mass media including film, television, radio, magazines, and the internet, as well as through schools, the home, and social settings.
Unfortunately, society says that our worth depends upon our intelligence, attractiveness, education, money and achievements. Our society places too much value upon being successful, and often rejects or criticises people who attempt something but fail. Such people may become so disillusioned that they stop trying.
Society also teaches the theory of evolution, telling us that humans have evolved from animals as a result of random chance, and are therefore have no significance.
We can also view ourselves through our parents’ eyes. As a person’s self-esteem is formed during the early years of their childhood, it is important that parents encourage and build-up their children so that they develop a positive self image. Sadly, this is often not the case, as some parents criticise, shame, reject or over discipline their children. Such unnecessary criticisms and negativity gives the children a negative view of themselves. Upon reaching adulthood, such children often view themselves through their parent’s eyes, and even continue to treat themselves as their parents treated them, criticising, rejecting, even hating themselves.
Many parents also place unrealistic or impossible standards or goals before their children. They expect their children to be successful or famous. If the child fails, or is not interested, the parents say that they are hopeless, or punish them harshly.
The way that our friends and peers view us can also have a large influence on the way we view ourselves.
If we do not behave like them, they can be critical or reject us. Throughout my years at school, I watched some classmates bully and mock any child who was different. Some children tried to change so that the bullies would accept them, even doing what was wrong in order to please them. Other children suffered beneath the yoke of such oppression every day.
Another way to view ourselves is through our own eyes. This is not healthy either. If we have had a difficult childhood, we tend to carry that baggage into adulthood, falling into the trap of being too hard on ourselves, especially if we have made a mistake. And if we stumble and sin, even though we repent and receive God’s forgiveness, waves of guilt and condemnation continue to plague us long after the event. Pursuing unattainable goals and setting unrealistic expectations causes us to become even further disillusioned with ourselves. If we fail when attempting something too hard, we may conclude that we are a failure, no good at anything, or that no-one likes us.
So then, how should we look at ourselves?
We should view ourselves through the eyes of the One who loves us so much that He died for us, so that we may live with Him, both now and for eternity.
Hebrews 12:2 says Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. What was that joy set before Jesus that motivated Him to die for us? The answer is in 1 Thessalonians 5:10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake (on earth) or asleep (in heaven), we may live together with him. Jesus treasures us so greatly that He wants us to share our whole life with Him.
God did not wait for us to be perfect before He loved us. While we were still sinners, He reached out to us, drawing us, dirt and all, into His loving arms. That means that we are significant, that we are special. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
God forms His children, those who believe in Jesus, into new creations, conformed into Christ’s wonderful likeness. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17
God thinks of us as His treasure. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 17:8
2 Corinthians 5:21 tells us that, God made Jesus, who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Jesus we might become the righteousness of God. So if God looks at us and sees the righteousness of Jesus in us instead of our sinful nature and problems, we should look at ourselves in the same way.
Zephaniah 3:17 is one of my favourite verses in the Bible, because it shows so clearly how God thinks of His children. The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Instead of looking at ourselves through the eyes of society, parents, friends, or ourselves, let us look at ourselves through the eyes of Jesus. Then we will know that we are accepted, appreciated, treasured, and loved.
This was a lesson that the Lord re-taught me while stuck in the pit of severe depression:
From my diary, 15/5/1990 –
Self-hate keeps descending upon me like a swarm of angry hornets.
I look at myself and find nothing but contempt
for this pathetic person that I have become.
But I know that this is wrong.
If I examine myself through Jesus eyes, I see someone special.
I see how much He loves me, and cares for me,
how much I mean to Him, and that He understands.
Sabtu, 05 Agustus 2017
Kamis, 18 Mei 2017
Sabtu, 13 Mei 2017
Are we in the midst of a narcissism epidemic
To end this week's series of posts on narcissism, I wanted to talk prevalence. The findings of a survey of nearly 35,000 adults living in the US indicate narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) occurs in nearly 6.2% of the general population. WHOA. More men than women have the disorder (7.7 vs. 4.8%). NPD was found to be "significantly more prevalent" in black men and women, Hispanic women, and young adults. Dr. Jean Twenge, the author of the book The Narcissism Epidemic, claims that the prevalence among young adults might be as high as 10% (!!!).
I was ... shocked by that. And also--when the prevalence of any mental health disorder is that high, it makes me question how it's defined and assessed. Apparently I'm not the only one, because the developers of the DSM V, the anticipated revision to the diagnostic manual of mental disorders, are making some major changes to the definition of narcissistic personality disorder. There was some indication that the disorder might be eliminated altogether, but at this time I think it's still in there, just with significant revisions to the criteria--INCLUDING a change that takes norms within cultures and subcultures into account.
Regardless of the precise definition of the disorder, however, Dr. Twenge's argument is this: narcissism is part of our culture right now. She points to the frequency of cosmetic surgery as an example, and the first thing to come to my mind is reality television. I don't know, you might not agree, but ...
[hang on a minute. I'm still giggling]
[thanks for your patience. I've almost got it under control]
[deep breaths ...]
Ahem. I solemnly swear I will never ever again post a Jersey Shore video on this blog.
OK. What do you think? Is this an epidemic--particularly among young people? With the emphasis on appearance, material goods, and status in our culture, are teens being raised in an age of narcissism? For YA authors and readers--is this reflected in YA these days?
Jumat, 21 April 2017
Why Do We Write
"I'd rather be known as a writer than do the actual writing."--My friend Sam, a published author
"I hate writing. I love having written."—Dorothy Parker
I wonder: Is writing really all about the completion, the ensuing love? Why choose this path, when one could have been so many other things: a goat herder, an accountant, a nailer of nails, a carrier of rocks, a subway mime? Fame and satisfaction might be theirs, too, and a lot faster.
Yes, having it done and sealed up and your love assured is fine and good, but then—the hovering expectation when anything can still happen. That is better, perhaps. The moment when the world goes still and silent and the only things still moving are your hands, small and clumsy in the glare of the screen. (Or, if you've taken a proper typing course, capable and sure. I have not. I have already established that I am a fool, and type with a special blend of four swift fingers.)
Why take this path? Why, for example, did I rise at 4:00 am last Wednesday and wander to the computer screen to type a single line of text? It was a title for a story, nothing more. What mad and foolish pride would let me think that precious line too good to be lost?
My title contained a character's name. I worried that if I left him at the edge of sleep, he would wink out of existence. Perhaps it's something like wondering if I had turned left that day, instead of right, my children would never have been born. I woke in the morning and leaned over my saved document, like patting my pocket for a stone I found.
"Write it down, write it down, write it down," the voice says. It says it at the most inconvenient times: when I am weighted down with bags and wedged in like a cow in the subway. I obey, even if it means the anger of lost sleep and a scrabbling after linty, sticky pens. Sometimes the pens are wrapped around with stray hairs and their nibs poke holes in my baggie of "emergency almonds"—my purse is a cruel wasteland. But it always contains a pen.
Do we write for adulation? Do we write to see our names on the wall? When I'm gone, there will be more than baggage and tag sale treasures to turn out of my house. I have saved the lives of characters. I have loved words. What else could I have done? I could, instead, step out into the wide world and be nothing, nothing at all. I could close this screen and step away, and I could be happy. I would go to the park. I would speak with people.
But no. We occasionally choose disaster and heartbreak. We invite joy. We want to live all the lives we could have had. We are greedy hoarders, revelers, egomaniacs, bearers of sadness, fools for long and fine moments when even the house seems to tremble and await what we'll bring. We wake in the night.
Senin, 10 April 2017
Do we have to Fully Recover from Depression Before we Can Get Back out There
Depression is a debilitating illness, and it is normal for someone suffering from depression to withdraw from life, doing little more than hiding and waiting. This is especially true during depression’s darkest phase.
This is what I wrote while in that phase:
What is this storm that rages within me?
Why won’t it abate, why won’t it subside?
It comes in like a storm, and devours me.
And it won’t go away. It’s near four months now.
Four months of doing nothing, just hiding, hiding, and waiting.
In my previous post I spoke about the foundation for my recovery that had been laid during those dark months. This included going onto anti-depressant medication to dull the pain, counselling from a Christian counsellor to help me to face and find the correct perspectives regarding the deep fears and traumas in my life. Many other things also played their role, such as physical exercise, pursuing hobbies and interests, and so on.
In July ’90, after eight months of despair and hopeless, I read “Self Help for Your Nerves” by Dr Claire Weeks. Everything changed after that, as hope returned to my life, I finally understood what was wrong with me, how I had gotten into such a state, and had a strategy for recovery.
In October ‘90 I went to see my counsellor again. Since reading “Self Help for Your Nerves” three months earlier, many of depression’s symptoms had gone, while most if not all others had reduced in severity and duration.
I was not better, though, not by a long shot – that would take another four years. At this stage I still felt uncomfortable or slightly disturbed most of the time, I was still suffering from fatigue to the extent that I needed a 45 minute rest every day when I got home from work, I still struggled with anxiety, had occasional panic attacks and heart palpitations, and felt pretty gross when I woke in the mornings.
However, in seeing how much I had improved compared to what I had been like earlier in the year, and noticing that a spring had returned to my step, my counsellor told me that her impression of me was that I was hiding behind Jesus like a small child hides behind his father’s legs, watching the world but too cautious or scared to get out there and experience it.
She told me that although I was still suffering from plenty of depression’s symptoms, she said that I was better enough to stop getting counselling and to get back out there.
Had she said this earlier, I would have been terrified, but as she gave me this advice, I knew she was right. I felt the Lord confirming that it was time for me to stop hiding and waiting and get back into life.
It took four more years for me to recover from depression, but I spent those four years living an almost normal life. I accepted the remaining symptoms of depression as being part of my life, and was content to let them be there like background music to my day, and got on with living.
After that final meeting with my counsellor I joined a new home fellowship group and became the group’s pianist. I joined all the social activities this group ran such as jazz and badminton nights – all things I could not have done even a few months previously. A few months later I started teaching Sunday school again. I asked if I could be a helper, but the organiser laughed (he had more confidence in me than I did) and put me in charge of an entire class, a responsibility I was able to handle with ease.
Everyone recovers from depression at their own rate, there is no formula. But it is encouraging to know that we do not have to wait until we have completely recovered before we can get back out there and enjoy life again.
And the good news is that we do not have to do this by our own strength. Jesus is there, ready to help and empower us with His divine strength.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
I love the way the Amplified Bible says this:
I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency]. Philippians 4:13 (AMP)
“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:4-5
But he [Jesus] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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