PLEASE FOLLOW When magical numbers make us do desperate things

I am in New York today to film some author interview/promo stuff. I know--that sounds cool, right? It is! Especially because I get to hang out with interesting people like Walter Jury, Dan Krokos, and Cora Carmack (we're all repped by New Leaf Literary), and of course, my awesome agent Kathleen Ortiz and the other lovely ladies of New Leaf. The only real drawback: I must put make-up on my face and, you know, be filmed. I love public speaking and teaching, but for some reason, speaking to a camera renders me a seriously awkward duck.

So wish me luck.

NOW, I wanted to chat with you about something I find so very interesting, and have experienced myself on a number of occasions. As I write this, I have exactly 999 Twitter followers. I'm running this Malachi's journal giveaway (*ahem* maybe you'd like to enter ...), and so my follower count has gone up rapidly in the last few days, and here we are.

The temptation, of course, is to attempt to push this process along. I see this ALL the time on Twitter, blogs, Facebook (likes), and Goodreads (adds). People say things like "I would like to get to XX number of followers!" They offer incentives sometimes, and other times they just ask. And ask and ask and ask. Perhaps the round, even number is appealing, or perhaps adding another digit represents a milestone, or maybe it's simply the idea of having that many people hooked to your online self. It feels good, right? You feel popular? Secure? Like it's a badge of acceptance or something?

Like I said, I feel it sometimes, the urge to say COME ON, TWITTER, GIVE ME SOME LOVE (IN THE EXACT AMOUNT OF [insert seemingly meaningful yet actually arbitrary number] FOLLOWERS).

Then I recall how I feel when I see those bleated requests from others. Sometimes I feel generous and I follow, but mostly I endure it because I like the person and am willing to wait it out until they reach this somewhat artificial goal.

But I have to admit that sometimes I unfollow, especially if the request is made several times. It grates.

And here's the primary reason why I don't make requests for specific amounts of followers: It happens anyway.

At some point, maybe even by the time this posts, I'll have 1K Twitter followers. And also: it doesn't mean anything different than having 999 followers.

When I feel the urge to ask people to follow me just so I can reach some magical number that's only magical when I don't have it (because once I do have it, I start wanting to reach the next somewhat artificial milestone) ... I forcefully remind myself that it's eventually going to happen naturally, a by-product of this career and of consistently participating in this community in a positive way. I also remind myself that those magical round numbers don't actually mean anything real, and reaching those numbers in a specific amount of time doesn't mean anything, either.

Have you done this? (it's okay! It's a natural thing to want!) How do you feel when others make these requests? Is it just part of the game? What does it say about us?

A Few Things About Bullying

My posts this week are going to be about bullying. One large nationwide study of over 15,000 kids in 6th-10th grade indicated that about 10% of children report being bullied. Another 6% report both being bullied AND bullying others. And another 13% report bullying others but not being victims of it themselves.

It's a major international public health issue and has become even more prominent in recent years, with the tragic suicides of several kids who were plagued by bullying, including, Brandon Myers, Megan Meiers, and Phoebe Prince, whose death last year led to anti-bullying legislation in Massachusetts and serious charges against the kids who bullied her.

Bullying has always existed. I have memories of being bullied and witnessing bullying as a child, and I'm sure many of you do as well. I think the reason so many are talking about it now are:

1. the Internet and 24/7 news cycle means that, no matter where something occurs, the entire country knows about it in a matter of an hour or two, if that. Nothing is local anymore. And it's not just that everybody knows. Everybody is talking about it. And everybody has an opinion. So something like Phoebe Prince's death, which might have been a local event in the past, touches off a firestorm. (I think this phenomenon is both good and bad. But more on that another time)
2. youth have new ways of bullying, so the same behavior is occuring, just in more places and in new forms. Cyberbullying has become a recognized problem.

Bullying is about dominance, a power imbalance. It takes a lot of forms, from verbal behaviors to rumors to physical or sexual intimidation and harm, to name a few.

Kids who are bullied exhibit more symptoms of depression than other kids and are at higher risk for suicide. Lots of studies have shown that. What we're not sure of--is there some other factor, like vulnerability to psychiatric problems, that could lead to both victimization and depression/suicide? If that makes no sense, click on Brandon's name at the top of this post. Regardless of whether bullying causes suicide in some kids, though, there's no doubt it's bad for kids.

Kids who bully are, apparently, also at higher risk for suicide. But, oddly, they tend to have higher than average self-esteem. They overestimate their own popularity. They have low empathy--they are less aware of how others feel than kids who don't engage in bullying. They are more likely to hang out with peers who bully.

There are gender differences. Boys are more likely to be both the perpetrators and victims of physical and overt verbal aggression. Girls tend to exhibit relational aggression rather than physical aggression, which means they are more likely to bully through social alliances and exclusion, gossip and rumors. It's more subtle, but no less vicious.

GLBTQ teens are FAR more likely to be bullied than their hetero peers. This deserves a post of its own, and it shall have one in the near future.

There are some effective interventions for bullying. But research shows that they don't come in the form of classroom discussions and role playing and that kind of thing. Effective interventions are school-wide, which means that zero-tolerance for bullying is ingrained in the culture of the school, all the way up to the top.

On Wednesday, I'll be touching on cyberbullying, and on Friday, I'll be discussing Hate List, by Jennifer Brown, where bullying is a major issue. Until then--thoughts on bullying? Is it covered accurately in YA? In the media? What do you know about it, and how do you feel about it?

And be sure to check out Lydia's always fascinating Medical Monday post and, if you're feeling overwhelmed and stretched too thin, definitely read Laura's Mental Health Monday post for today!

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